34 months! That was our final breastfeeding date. I made a plan to make it 3 weeks. We made it 34 months! Do you know what that means? We made it past most people's comfort zone. 2 months shy of 3 years is a long time! Woohoo! We survived custody issues and many nights away from each other, but we made it!

Know what else we survived? My leaving law enforcement. I said that having the munchkin wouldn't change me and I made a point for it to not be so. It didn't happen. I wanted to help everyone. Even in the schools, I wanted to take every kid home.

I went back to patrol. The first dead person made me question everything. I was no longer the hard core patrol officer I once was. I was a mom. I cried for the family. I cried knowing the deceased wouldn't affect another life. I cried. I picked up my kiddo and tried to be happy, but I cried. I got mad at her because I had a crappy day and she didn't understand why. I cried more. I realized the reason wasn't she or I. It was the job. At that point, I decided it was time to walk away.

 KH is my life, and the person my job made me was not the person I wanted her to know. I know this blog was about breastfeeding cops and the support that goes along with it, but I realized there was so much more. I don't discourage moms from being Police Officers. I'm very proud of the profession I chose and the lives I impacted. I fully support mommy Police Officers and think about you every day.  I simply couldn't do it anymore.

It took me 6 months after leaving the job to not see a dead person when I closed my eyes at night. I fully support Police Officers and will to the day I die. Why? Because I was one. I loved my job. When it got to the point it effected my family, I walked away. So here is my final blog post. I have a happy, healthy life. I love my daughter. I'm jaded at times, but I'm good now. I fully support public servants in every field. Police, Fire, EMT, military, volunteers... We are one in the same. If you find yourself in a not-so-fun situation, message me. I'll even give you my number so we can talk. We are a brother/sisterhood and we stand by each other!

Until next time...

It's been 5 months since my last post. Life on the breastfeeding end, and the work end, have been easy. Thanks to my custody agreement, KH spends a night a week away from me. She asks for her "booboos" regularly. I've had to pick and choose when I allow her to breastfeed. Without a doubt, when she wakes up and when she goes to bed are 2 times that are a given. The other times I breastfeed her are when I pick her up from the sitter after being away from me overnight, when she doesn't feel well, and some naptimes when I need to calm her down to go to sleep. There have been a few random fever days where she asks to breastfeed 4-5 times a day. Obviously the health benefits are greater than the idea of weaning so I let her do it. At this point, she's 26 months. I know she needs to wean at some point, but I don't know when that will be.

We're potty training now which is going very well. We also spend a lot of time outside playing.

She had a stomach bug recently and vomitted everything she ate for dinner. She asked for her boobies and I told her no. Her stomach was sour so I didn't want to throw milk on it. I told her we could rock instead and, within 3 minutes, she was out cold! It was sad, because we nurse before bed. That was the first time I got her to sleep without it.

Potty training also adds to my thought that she's getting older. I don't want my baby to grow up! Yet, it's part of the process. She's 26 months and in the 95th and 96th percentile in height and weight. She's big for her age and a lot of people mistake her for someone older. She nurses for nutrition and comfort. Recently, I believe it's more for comfort. It's an opportunity for she and I to be as close as mommy and baby can be. Hopefully soon I'll be able to write a post on how to wean. Well, soon-ish. It will happen when it does. I'll let you know!

Until next time!

Weight gain and breastfeeding

I read an interesting post on our local La Lehe League Facebook page that lead to this discussion: gaining weight while breastfeeding. Everything you read says breastfeeding will melt the pounds off of you and get rid of your pregnancy weight. Did that happen to me? Um, no. We're almost 22 months in with breastfeeding. I left the hospital at 152 pounds, my pre-pregnancy weight. I started a weight loss challenge with my department 2.5 weeks ago. My initial weight was 180. Almost 30 pounds heavier! As a Police Officer, physical fitness is a priority. So what happens when you gain so much weight instead of losing it, and why?

The post was filled with moms who had the same experience as me. Weight gain. Lots of it! I read an article that said your body stores up fat to be able to provide for breastmilk. Okay, that makes sense. When KH was younger, I remember feeling ravished all the time. All. The. Time! I couldn't eat enough calories to make her or me happy. I ate anything and everything I could because I had to. I would shake from hunger on a regular basis. I found myself eating things with sugar in them because I knew I would get instant gratification and it would hold me over for a few minutes.

In the weight loss challenge, I'm down almost 10 pounds. I decided to do a combination of the paleo and whole 30 programs. Why do I think this is important? Both of the programs are artificial sugar free and involve eating fresh foods. I've learned that I eat less and am hungry less often. It has caused my body to require less food in meeting the nutritional requirements. Win! I've also drank a lot more water. Several times I have scarfed down a normal portion and still felt hungry. The kid wouldn't allow for me to get another plate so I would drink a glass of water and take care of her. I knew I could always eat after. Funny thing, after a few minutes, I was full. A lot of times hunger pangs are associated with dehydration. It's not always the case, but I've noticed a big change in myself.

I'm happy with my success but know there's no way I would have had the time for the meal preparations I'm doing now in my early parenting stages. No way at all. In fact, I barely had the chance to heat up a can of ravioli!

So... What are y'all's experiences? I'm curious to know. I'm on birth control so I wonder if hormones are a factor. That's the only thing different in my life. It's at least something to think about. Let me know if anyone has any ideas or similarities!

Until next time!

What's the one thing every female cop loves the most about summer patrols? The vest! It's so cozy, comforting, and breathes extremely well, right? Clearly you understand the sarcasm in that statement... I went back to patrol over the summer and back to the 12 hour shifts. Texas is known for it's cool temps and low humidity during the summer months. No. Not ever. EVER! This summer was absolutely brutal! We had above average rain before the summer hit so the humidity was absolutely horrific. The temperatures in my area hit the 100s for the first time in almost 2 years. What does that mean? Sweat. All day. Before the sun came up, the humidity was at high percentages. It wasn't unusual to wake up to temperatures in the high 70's with "feel like" temperatures in the high 80's and 90's. I started my shift at 7 am. I started sweating around 7:01 am. My shift ended at 7 pm. That means I stopped sweating for the day at approximately 8 pm. Do the math. That's 12 hours and 59 minutes of constant sweating!

What does that mean? A lot! #1: Everyone knows you need to stay hydrated to keep producing breastmilk. I drank water. Water. Water. And more water. There were times I felt I was going to float out of my car and into traffic. However, I sweat so much, I only peed 3-4 times in 12 hours. Do the math. That's not a lot. Since I was 18-19 months in, I decided to pump once during shift. During my 8 hour shifts, I gave up on pumping. 12 hours was too long. I decided 2 pm would be my lunch/pump time. I pumped anywhere from 2.5-4.5 ounces, depending on my hydration level. I say that to reiterate the fact that breastmilk highly relies on hydration. If you're breastfeeding your baby, DRINK WATER!

My other problem I had is one that's gross. At least it was gross to me. After the first week on patrol, I developed a rash. I though it was a heat rash so I brushed it out of my mind. I would clean it more, try to keep it cool/dry whenever possible, etc.  I tried Aquaphor, Gold Bond cream, and baby powder to dry it up. Nothing worked. I didn't seek medical help because it only bothered me when KH scratched it. When that happened, holy shit! I decided after a month and a half of the persistence that I would go see a doc. The diagnosis: fungal infection. Gross. Seriously? I thought it was heat rash? Apparently the heat, humidity, and closed vest with no air movement was the perfect environment for that fungus to grow. Gross. I shutter still, just thinking about it! I got on an antifungal prescription and it cleared up in no time. It's still gross, though. Bleh!

KH is now coming up on 20 months old. She still loves boobs. I can't pick her up after work and get into the truck without her feeding. If I try to put her straight into her carseat she screams. Loudly. With real tears. I love that she enjoys it and knows it's our time. I'm trying to think about how we will eventually wean from that. I'm back on my 8 hour schedule so life can resume it's normalcy. The long 12 hour days suck for a kid. I can't say that enough! I've been on 8 hour shifts for 2 days and she's already happier and more fun to be around. I can't wait to see what lies ahead for she and I!!

That's all I've got for y'all tonight. Until next time!

Howdy breastfeeders, single parents, cops, or random person who has stumbled upon my blog. I write to you today to tell you a fun fact. KH has officially received tooth #7 at 17 months!!!

Wait. What? Why is that important? Most kids have way more teeth at this point in the game. Yes, that's very true. My kid is a late bloomer. The significance of this isn't the time frame. The significance is the teeth marks engrained on my nipple. Yeah, you read that right.

One day, breastfeeding was the same random fun it always was: acrobatics, abuse (slapping, punching, teeth grabbing), movement (arm rolls, ab strengthening, and more punching), and the loving part of 4 seconds of eye contact. The next day, I had a 7th tooth popping through the surface and an undeniable pain. I originally thought it was her fingernails as she has a habit of grabbing my boob while eating. Then, after cutting her individual daggers and removing them from my skin, I realized it was teeth.

When I mentioned my pain, people referred to it as biting. It's not at all! KH has done a lot of not-so-nice things in our breastfeeding journey. I've felt a bite or two. Trust me, there's no, "Was that a bite?" moment when it comes to breastfeeding. In our current situation, it's obviously not an intentional bite. What it is, is a.... I really don't know. Maybe a comfort thing?

When I started feeling teeth, I did like I'd always done and figured out how to fix the problem! I noticed it hurt like hell to feed her the normal side lie way.  I held her upright against my shoulder while I rocked her. No teeth. No pain. It was always painful on the left side, never the right. I noticed a small sore on my nipple which was causing the continued pain. I let it airdry after feeds, then expressed a little more milk to rub on it. It's healing quickly and healing well.

So that's our current hurdle. Like everything else, it's a small one and we'll get through it. Until next time!

Who Knew?

This post isn't specifically breastfeeding related.  Sorry, yet not sorry.  This post is all about the unsolicited advice about sleeping that everyone feels you need.  Boom! I got your attention back :-)  The biggest question, from the day I left the hospital, was, "How does she sleep?"  My response, every time, is that she is up every 2-3 hours.  Response from said person who asked the question, "You should add cereal to the bottle, add an extra feed at night, read this book, let her cry...." I lo(athed)ved hearing that question.  Every parent has a different parenting style. Mine is very pro-baby.  If she cries, I figure out why.  For a breastfed baby, it's common for them to wake up more regularly.  Breastmilk leaves the body quicker because it's easier to digest. Therefore, breastfed babies tend to wake up more in the middle of the night.  Cool.  I get it.  I know that.  I made the choice to breastfeed and wake up every 2-3 hours with my kiddo.  I understand. The major question is... Why can't everyone else?

Why is it that the most important question to a mom with a baby is, "How much does he/she sleep?" Why can't it be, "What is your baby doing developmentally?" That is so much more encompassing than sleep.  Who cares how much mom sleeps?  As long as baby is happy, healthy, and having a good time, it's no big deal.  I made the decision, as a single mom, to make the breastfeeding journey.  If I had a question, I asked.  If I wanted advice, I asked.  I was determined that my kid and I would eventually be on the same sleeping schedule and I would not push the issue.  Guess what?  It happened!

Today, KH is 15 months and some change on the weeks.  AKA, she's almost 16 months.  Guess what?  She sleeps through the night! How long has that been happening consistently?  2 weeks.  2. 2 weeks.  You read it right.  Want to read it again? 2 weeks.  That's how long my child has been sleeping through the night at almost 16 months.  How do I feel about it?  Well, I wake up a few times a night to make sure the monitor is still on.  When my alarm goes off, I pick my boobs up and move them because they still haven't adjusted to the overnight sleeping.  Frankly, it hurts.  Would I change it? Absolutely not!

So my advice, to new sleep-deprived moms embarking on the journey is to ignore the advice.  Enjoy your time with your baby.  Enjoy your breastfeeding fiasco.  Enjoy the middle-of-the-night feeds with Netflix in your background for, what seems like, hours and hours and hours.  Enjoy responding to your babies cues and cries.  Enjoy the bonding that no one else can experience.  Enjoy being a mom.  After all, your baby only gets one.  You want to be the best one you can be.

Until next time!

So, since my last post, I've had the opportunity to use the Medela Lactina pump. It's in the hospital grade style so I was okay with giving it a shot. My advice to anyone who tries it? Ask for directions. I used it the first time and was completely overwhelmed! I started my hospital grade lifestyle with the Ferrari Symphony. I pushed a button and everything else worked out. The Lactina is different. You have to turn a knob and turn another thingymajig while holding the flanges up to your boobs and not letting anything fall out. Um. I... I can't! For me, I didn't even think to ask. I had the parts and figured it would all be super easy. What happened, instead, is an open sore. That's right! Somewhere in the twisting and holding, I managed to move the flange the right way to "rub me the wrong way." Ha! Get it? Rubbed me the wrong way? Okay, okay. Pun's are over. Really, though, when I got it going the way it should be, it was pretty awesome. It worked within the hospital-grade suction and my pump time was in the 10-15 minute range. Had I started with that pump instead of the Symphony, I probably would've loved it. Instead, I started with the best and switched to the, to me, mediocre. Same results within the same time. I'll take the Symphony anyday, but the Lactina is a great alternative! Ladies and gents, I'm out. Until next time!