13 months!!!! I made 13 months of breastfeeding. I can't tell you how excited I am to be able to say I hit another milestone. The challenges don't stop. My poor kid is on her 3rd virus in 4 months. Hellllloooooo sleepless nights of worry and waking up to a crying baby. I made the comment a few days ago that I felt like I had a newborn again. I was so sleep deprived I was stupid. Like, couldn't complete a sentence. I could say it in my mind but it wouldn't come out my mouth.

One major challenge with all of her current congestion is BITING. Ouch! The teeth are a new thing for her and she's not really sure what to do with them. She's so congested that she has to break her latch to catch her breath. That would be awesome if she hadn't realized that she can open her mouth and bite me to keep in the right place. She got me one day and I didn't think she was going to let go! I had to grab the back of her neck to get her to let go. Yesterday she was getting ready for bed. I laid her on her boppy, like I do every night. She giggled at me, shook her head, and bit down. She didn't even pretend to try to latch. I yelled, "Ouch!" at her and she laughed. Um, no. Mommy don't play that game! I put her in her crib and walked out of the room. She started screaming immediately. I grounded her from the boob for a minute. I've been told I need to wait a minute per year of age so a minute was all she got. I walked back in, put her back in the original position, and she ate like she was supposed to.

Everyday is a new day with her and I love them all. I hate that she's been sick, but love the great cuddles. I'm ready to see the next battle she sends me.

Until next time!

After 2 weeks of working 8-4 Monday-Friday, I feel like a whole new person. Not working 12 hour shifts makes life so much easier. KH sleeps better and is less tired. She still wakes up 1-3 times every night so not much has changed there. We hit the year mark and a weight lifted from my shoulders. Whew!!! I now only pump once a day at work. I feed her as close to drop off time as possible, pump at noon, and feed her as soon as I get to the sitter. No engorgement and I pump 4-5 ounces. Not being a slave to the pump is amazing. I look at that thing and shake in fear. Well, not really, but it's definitely a hate/hate relationship. I'm still using the Symphony hospital grade pump. Even though it's nicer than the personal pump, I still hate it.

Nursing KH is "fun" now. She's finally getting teeth and I feel them on a regular basis. She doesn't bite, per se. I think her terrible latch adjusts and causes it to happen. Plus, she gets really distracted and tries to take me with her. I don't say anything to her because she's not doing it on purpose. That doesn't mean it doesn't feel uncomfortable!

I still get asked regularly how long I'm going to keep breastfeeding. Not that it's anyone's business, but I really don't know. She still likes it, it's better for her than cow's milk, and it's free. I'm not trying to make a statement. I'm simply doing what's natural and best. Maybe I'll make a few people around me realize it's okay and not abnormal to breastfeed longer. I'm only one person, but I hate the society belief that a walking baby shouldn't be breastfeeding. We make changes one person at a time, right? Okay, okay, small rant over. I'm off to enjoy my day off with my munchkin. Until next time!

In 2 weeks my little munchkin turns a year old. Where did the time go? I'm happy to report that I have enough of a stash in my freezer that I could stop breastfeeding right now and she would not have a drop of formula!!! Woohoo! What that means is I will successfully make a year of breastfeeding. It's been the hardest, most trying time of my life. I never knew that the decision to breastfeed would lead to such a difficult journey! Do I regret anything? Absolutely not. Would I change anything? Yes. I would've gone for the hospital grade pump a little sooner. Other than that, absolutely not. KH wasn't always a healthy ox. She found her fair share of viruses and allergy induced infections. Overall, though, she's a happy, healthy, vibrant, thriving human being. It's still crazy to me to think that she is who she is because of me. I grew her for 9 months in my body, for 6 months on exclusive breastmilk, and through (almost) 12 months on mainly breastmilk with some food for fun. A friend said breastfeeding made her feel empowered and I agree. I grew a human for almost 2 years!!

The next question is: how long do I keep going? People ask me that all the time and I give them the same answer every time. I don't know. It's up to her. She's at the distractable time now so breastfeeding is often challenging. She won't stay focused long enough to get to the let down. It's frustrating to her and even moreso to me. However, she also grabs at my clothes to get to what she wants. It's fun asking her, "Want some boobs?" Her response is a giggle and a head dive into my chest. I figure I'll let her make the decision to wean.

My job continues to be absolutely amazing and very flexible. I recently applied for a "normal" position in the schools. By normal, I mean 8-4 Mon-Fri. No more 12 hour shifts!!!! In the interview for the position, I was asked about pumping and how it would apply to the job. They asked how it would be included into my day-to-day activities and if it would work out. I can't even begin to express the gratitude I've felt with my supervisors in this continued journey. I wish every woman could have the opportunity I have!

Luckily, she only has 2 1/2 teeth. She bit me once and it was when she was distracted. It was absolutely accidental. She is waaaaaay behind the grade compared to all of my friends and I am completely okay with it! She has the 1/2 tooth and another about to break through. I keep telling myself that it will be alright but I'm completely gun shy. Yikes!

I'll post again after our year mark. It's so close!!

Until next time!

A heck of a lot has happened since my last post. I was having a huge supply issue and my freezer stash was dwindling fast. I made the decision to try a supplement, Go-Lacta, to help. Did it work for me? Absolutely not! I'll throw out the disclaimer that I am not a lactation consultant or a representative of any company. Any views expressed in this blog are from my personal experience and I show no affiliation with anything. I read reviews about Go-Lacta and there were lots of positives. I made it through a month's supply with no help.

So, what now? A few of my friends had results from domperidone. It's a medication that can't be obtained easily. I made the decision to try it out and placed the order. During the wait, I decided to try Reglan. Again, I heard good things from persons in my circle. Reglan comes with a slew of side effects. A SLEW!!! I hate taking medications so those who know me will read this blog entry and drop a jaw in disbelief. When I do take medications, whether prescription or over the counter, I never experience side effects. Until Reglan. I took it for 3 days. I was only given a 7 day supply. Did it work? Yes. I went from pumping 1 3/4 oz every 3 hours to pumping 2.5. However, I had trouble staying awake. I sat at work slapping myself in the face trying to keep my eyes open. Here I am, a sleep deprived single mom with a full-time job who's already struggling to be functional, falling asleep. I stopped taking it because I couldn't work. Period. It made me a zombie! So I continued my pumping as scheduled, waiting on what I hoped to be my miracle drug.

Fast forward 3 weeks when my domperidone comes in. I've watched my freezer stash dwindle to 60ish ounces from numbers well into the 3 digits. After a week, I was pumping 3.5-5 oz per session! Woooooo!!!!!! I thought it was a fluke, somehow. I hoped it wasn't, but feared it was. After the second week, I was still producing the same amount. Recently, for the first time in months, I pumped 6 ounces. 6!!!! I thought I was going to cry out of pure joy. Actually, I did. I even took pictures of the milk bottles and sent them to a few close friends. I felt like I was finally back where I was before the curse of 12 hour shifts came into play. I only take it twice a day. It works extremely well for me and it was the best choice I could've made!

So, like I said, a lot has happened. I didn't want to make any posts until I had a result. Thankfully, after 2 or 3 momths of uncertainty, I report good news! I bid you adieu. Until next time!

After a week of using the Symphony pump, I'm addicted. I didn't pump any more than usual, but I pumped it in half the time. ZERO pain. I really wish I'd used it from the start. After speaking with my lactation consultant about the low yields, she suggested a milk transfer check. KH fed, in the middle of the day and after 3 hours of not eating, and ate 2 1/3 ounces. The obvious equivalent of what I've been pumping. Good and bad. Good: my body's responding to what it thinks she needs. Bad: she drinks from a bottle with zero effort when she's not with me and therefore eats more than that. Clearly she's eating more than I'm pumping.  Bummer. It was suggested that I start taking a supplement to help boost milk production. Enter Go-Lacta. That's what I'm tryimg at the moment. It's nutritionally based, not an herb, so it's supposed to be better for me. I'm curious to see if there will be a difference over the next few days. I pumped this morning, post-feed, and got 1.5 ounces. That's a huge difference over the few drops I was getting before. Again, like the last entry, I'll keep you posted on the outcome. Until next time!

Tomorrow starts a new journey in my life. I've had a persistent pelvic problem that I tried sweeping under the rug. It got to the point that I had to go back on light duty. I'm now working 4 10 hour shifts in a row instead of a maximum of 3 12's in a row. The problem has been pumping. The pumping was slacking and my body was hating it more than normal. So much so that I am pumping 2ish ounces per pump session. Before, when I wasn't on light duty, I could go to the house and pump. At least there I was in KH's room where I was comfortable and a little more relaxed. Now, I'm in a room I've pumped in a few times without a whole lot of success. When I pump, I squeeze, massage, push, move positions, etc., and still get 2 ounces. By the end of the day, I'm in engorgement pain. I can always feel the milk, I just can't get it out! I know it's not a supply issue. When I'm off work, KH is pretty much exclusively breastfed. We have zero problems... So, when I say I'm starting a new journey, I'm starting one with a new pump. I'm pushing the Medela Pump n Style to the curb and trying the Medela Symphony. If it works, I'm going to be renting it permanently. If it doesn't, I have to go back to the drawing board to solicit help/advice. Wish me luck! I'll let y'all know how it goes.

Topics to discuss since my last post: Sleep, Why Would I Want to Sleep, and Niplash.

So, as I mentioned in my last post, KH started sleeping. I had no clue how much I needed that extra sleep. I was a rock, determined, headstr-zzzzzzz.  Screw it, I was tired. Emotionally, physically, mentally, and any other -ly there is. I was on the verge of a breakdown and did not know because everyday was more and more exhausting. Looking back, I really don't know how I survived. Alas, here I am. She's still in her crib, although some nights it's challenging. Most nights she sleeps 6-7ish hours her first stint. Most, not all. During that time, I have me time and get 4-5 hours of sleep. Way better than the 1-2 I was getting before. There are still some nights that she's up every 1-3. Those typically occur on nights before workdays and I have to get up early. Thanks munchkin!

I'll try "Why Would I Want to Sleep" for $200, Alex. Those days!!!! Yes, we all know those days happen, but we'd like to keep them a distant blur. My story is sad. It comes with an entry of, "I did everything I know to do and just couldn't think of anything else." KH has her days. On some of her days, she takes 2, 3, or 4 naps. I have learned the more naps she takes, the better she sleeps at night. Rewind to a few days ago. She took 1 30 minute nap throughout the whole day. 1. That 1 she took was on the couch and she fought every second of iy. I did everything I knew to do.  I sang, hugged, nursed, held, rocked, walked, etc. I couldn't get her to sleep! She was exhausted. Eventually, after at least 20 minutes of screaming, she gave in and fell asleep. Then, she huffed and puffed in her sleep. I felt bad enough not being able to comfort her so that was an added negative. That night, she repeated the screaming. I was clueless. I'd done everything prior. She was rubbing her eyes, yawning, and screaming bloody murder. I ended up walking outside and letting her cry in her crib. I was done. Between the screaming during the day and the screaming at night, I needed help. Help wasn't there, so I walked away. Was it the right thing to do? Yes and no. Yes in that she finally went to sleep. No in that I was afraid I'd hurt my baby!

Special note: she has her first tooth popping through. This could very well be the problem

Let's change it up a bit. I'll have Niplash for $1600, Alex. I know I've mentioned it before, but sweet mother of pearl!!! It's become so prevalent, my nipples are as sore as the first week we started nursing. I tried telling her no. She grinned at me. I tried taking it away. She found it. I told her no. She laughed. Clearly, I needed to be more stern. I started popping her diaper when she does it and saying no. Don't get me wrong, it's not a spanking. It's very light and on the diaper only for a startle reflex. When I first started, she didn't correlate. She smiled and laughed while I was trying to be strict. It wasn't effective, so I stsrted grounding her from the boob. You want to talk about sad eyes and pouty lips?! I think, after 3 days, she's starting to figure it out. In fact, today I could feel her about to niplash me. She stopped, looked me in the eye, and kept eating. My tits say to cross your fingers for them. They're begging for mercy and wonderimg how much more they can take!

That's it for me tonight ladies and gents. Until next time!