I'm now officially a lot of weeks back at work. Well, not really, but when I look back to maternity leave, it SEEMS like I've been back a while. One thing's for sure... I still hate pumping. That hasn't changed. Every time I sit down, I think, "This is going to be the time it doesn't suck!" Well, not literally. I mean, I want the pump to suck as much out as possible. That's the point. I mean the whole pumping experience. To all you women who exclusively pump, I give you props. I'm sure people would say that about exclusive breastfeeders, but it's different. As a breastfeeder, I get to interact with my mini me. She's at the distract-o age now where she wants to stop and smile periodically. Even then, she's always been an excessive spit up baby so after I feed her, I try to stay in the same spot for a bit to let her belly settle. During that time, I get lots of smiles, giggles, grabs, talks... When I pump, the only interaction I get is the repetitive cush, cush, cush, cush, cush, cush. Or if I pretend it's saying things, I get the occasional, "When I pump. When I pump. When I pump." I use a Medela pump. Seriously, if you have one, try it out. I bet you'll hear the same thing in your head.
I thought by now my body would be used to the pump and the milk would flow more freely. Wrong! I now have bruises on both of my boobs from squeezing the milk out. A friend suggested warm compresses to help. I'm still trying to figure out how I can do that and still fit within my time window. I don't have a problem at let down. My problem happens about 7ish minutes in. All of a sudden I stop flowing and can feel there's a lot left. It's not the most comfortable thing in the world, but I've started taking the flange off in the middle of the pumping session and putting it back with the nipple in a different position. If I hit it at the right spot, it starts flowing like Niagara Falls. If I don't, I'm still at square one with a newfound level of discomfort from "breaking the latch" of the pump. To stop and go to the kitchen to heat something up, or have a compress that's cost effective that would be warm at that point in my pumping is not time efficient. I've yet to come up with a warm compress.
Work is still being awesome with me. I've started using my lactation consultant's shop as a place to pump since it's within the zone I work in the City. I nurse there often. KH and I frequent her place on my days off and it's almost as if she knows when we walk in that she's going to eat. The crazy thing about that is: I still don't produce as much from the pump at her place as I do at my own house. I still don't understand that totally. I know it's all hormones, but if I'm in a place enough that my baby knows she's going to eat when she gets there, wouldn't my body think the same? Then again, looking back on the days, maybe it's the types of calls that are going on within the city at the time. Although I'm "out of service" at work, I always have my radio on and could have to jump and put everything on extremely quickly to go. I've started limiting myself on time as well. I try to get back in service within 30 minutes of going out of service. That's undressing, pumping, labeling and putting the milk into bags, redressing, and being ready to go. 30 minutes. And I constantly check the clock to make sure. I'm still good with my supply. I'm still maintaining about the same numbers and I haven't decreased my supply at home. From an outsider looking in, I'm still good.
I've started trying a schedule at work. Since I'm supposed to pump every 2-3 hours to keep my supply up, I am trying to pump at 0800, 1100, 1400, and 1700. If I get a small window before any of those times, I jump at it. The most I've had to go between pumping sessions to this point is almost 5 hours. I noticed about 3ish hours in, I was squeezing the sides of my vest to try to relieve the pressure on my boobs. I tried to do it nonchalantly so it wouldn't look bad. By the time the end came, it just hurt. I was pulling the vest out at my neck with one hand and doing everything I could to push the vest in at the sides with the other hand. I think putting a bulletproof vest on a lactating non-Police Officer mom could be a fun game. "See how long you can wear it without readjusting in some way." Ha! I bet an hour, tops!!
Anyway, thanks for reading. KH has been in bed for a while so I'm going to go join her while I have the opportunity. Until next time!!
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Tomorrow is Easter. The second holiday since my little angel made her way into this world. Also, a day I will be spending at work, instead of with her and family. I'm already starting to get emotional and the day hasn't even come yet. Sigh... That's one part of the job I never minded. I would always work holidays so my co-workers with kids could take off. Now, I'm that co-worker with a kid. For the record, I've never been much on holidays. Even as a college student, it was rare for me to go home for any holiday but Christmas. It has nothing to do with not liking my family and everything to do with my anti-Hallmark ideals. I am a Christian, but I am not extremely fond of churches. I go and feel like everyone is being super fake with forced smiles and false friendliness. I know not everyone is like that, but that's how it seems in my mind. Maybe it's because I worked nights for so long and would go to church grouchy. When I'm grouchy, I don't want to smile! I feel most holidays, religious or not, have turned into huge marketing schemes for a way to make money. I mean, look at Christmas. They're now having sales on Thanksgiving which takes people away from their families. It makes absolutely no sense. Man I got WAY off subject!! Anyway, tomorrow is my first holiday without my baby and I'm not looking forward to it!
I guess since this blog is about boobs, I should talk about them. I hit and passed the dreaded 3 month mark. I had started taking a supplement that included fenugreek and blessed thistle. I was pumping awesome amounts but felt like it wasn't the right thing to do. After all, there was nothing wrong with my supply to begin with so why should I have to supplement? I got off of it and felt like my world was ending. Not because I was depressed from not taking the supplement, but because the amount I was producing was so much less! I went from pumping at least 4 ounces every time to lucking out at 3.5. I even pumped 2 3/4 ounces in one sitting. I know you're not supposed to look at the flanges while you're pumping but I was staring them down hoping for more drops!! I was feeling terrible and almost started back on the supplements. Alas, after 2 days of work pumping and 2 days off with my munchkin, my supply got back to where it needed to be. I pump as close to every 3 hours as possible. In doing so, I pump 4 ounces. If it's a little under 3 hours, it's a little less. If it's 4.5 hours like it was today, it's a lot more! Did the supplement work? Absolutely. Did I need it? Absolutely not. I've successfully hit and bypassed the 3 month mark as a continued successful breastfeeder! I counted my freezer supply and I'm at about 190 ounces. I was at 180 the last time I counted. What that means is my supply isn't increasing as much as it was, but I'm still ahead. To be morbid, if I were to die today, my child could eat for at least a week! Since that's not happening, I have a huge cushion.
Speaking of my freezer supply, I've enjoyed talking to friends about what they do to get and maintain a supply. Of course my situation is different than most. Being the single mom, the opportunities for me to pump are not always there. Ideally, if I could, I would've started pumping after every one of her daytime meals. That surely would've brought my supply up. However, since that is the farthest thing from practical in my world, I pump after her morning feeding. Before I started back to work, she was sleeping 7-8 hours in a row on her first stint. On those days, I'd wake up all kinds of engorged and, after feeding her, pump 6-8 ounces. Now that I'm back to work, she has regressed in her sleeping. She's now up at least once a night, but more often 2-3 times. What does that mean? It means my body is constantly replacing the supply and I don't wake up with the feeling of, "Oh shit if she doesn't eat now, my boobs are going to explode!" Instead, I feed her and do good to pump 2 ounces after. My favorite question to be asked is, "Does she sleep for ya?" Ha! Yeah, right! If you're reading this to try to find a solution to sleeping woes, you're not going to find any. I can't even get her to sleep in her own bed. But that's another story for another time. It's late and I'm going to go cuddle up with my munchkin. Until next time!
I guess since this blog is about boobs, I should talk about them. I hit and passed the dreaded 3 month mark. I had started taking a supplement that included fenugreek and blessed thistle. I was pumping awesome amounts but felt like it wasn't the right thing to do. After all, there was nothing wrong with my supply to begin with so why should I have to supplement? I got off of it and felt like my world was ending. Not because I was depressed from not taking the supplement, but because the amount I was producing was so much less! I went from pumping at least 4 ounces every time to lucking out at 3.5. I even pumped 2 3/4 ounces in one sitting. I know you're not supposed to look at the flanges while you're pumping but I was staring them down hoping for more drops!! I was feeling terrible and almost started back on the supplements. Alas, after 2 days of work pumping and 2 days off with my munchkin, my supply got back to where it needed to be. I pump as close to every 3 hours as possible. In doing so, I pump 4 ounces. If it's a little under 3 hours, it's a little less. If it's 4.5 hours like it was today, it's a lot more! Did the supplement work? Absolutely. Did I need it? Absolutely not. I've successfully hit and bypassed the 3 month mark as a continued successful breastfeeder! I counted my freezer supply and I'm at about 190 ounces. I was at 180 the last time I counted. What that means is my supply isn't increasing as much as it was, but I'm still ahead. To be morbid, if I were to die today, my child could eat for at least a week! Since that's not happening, I have a huge cushion.
Speaking of my freezer supply, I've enjoyed talking to friends about what they do to get and maintain a supply. Of course my situation is different than most. Being the single mom, the opportunities for me to pump are not always there. Ideally, if I could, I would've started pumping after every one of her daytime meals. That surely would've brought my supply up. However, since that is the farthest thing from practical in my world, I pump after her morning feeding. Before I started back to work, she was sleeping 7-8 hours in a row on her first stint. On those days, I'd wake up all kinds of engorged and, after feeding her, pump 6-8 ounces. Now that I'm back to work, she has regressed in her sleeping. She's now up at least once a night, but more often 2-3 times. What does that mean? It means my body is constantly replacing the supply and I don't wake up with the feeling of, "Oh shit if she doesn't eat now, my boobs are going to explode!" Instead, I feed her and do good to pump 2 ounces after. My favorite question to be asked is, "Does she sleep for ya?" Ha! Yeah, right! If you're reading this to try to find a solution to sleeping woes, you're not going to find any. I can't even get her to sleep in her own bed. But that's another story for another time. It's late and I'm going to go cuddle up with my munchkin. Until next time!
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
A friend of mine, after reading my blog, mentioned she was an exclusive pumper and said to ask if I had any questions. So I did. I asked for suggestions to remedy my Holstein without making bruises. She had a few suggestions. One was bigger flanges. For the record, when I started pumping more, I used the bigger size. It was painful so I went to the smaller size. Alas, my issue started! Of course I never put 2 & 2 together until she said something. I'll say, not regretfully, that I am a blonde. Aside from being sleep deprived, forgetful, and a woman, I have airhead working in my favor too. Anyway, I changed back to the larger flanges.
She also said to try using lanolin before pumping. Huh. That was definitely a new concept that makes perfect sense. If lanolin is supposed to help with comfort post-feed, why wouldn't it help with pre-pump? I decided to give it a go. Lanolin plus larger flanges... I'm not gonna lie, I was a little scared to turm the pump on due to the pain I'd experienced early on. So deep breaths. 1, 2, 3! 4, 5, 6! Okay okay. 7, 8, go! Much to my surprise and excitement, it didn't hurt. Who would've thought something that simple would have such an outcome?
On to something completely different... As I said early in the blog, KH and I have struggled with latch. One of her problems has been the refusal to open wide enough. She only gets fed in 1 of 2 ways. Either cross cradle on a boppy or side lie in bed. Side lie in bed? Yes, we co-sleep. Anyway, I noticed last week there were times she'd be done a little quicker. One day she was pretty hungry when I laid her on the boppy. Before I could get my boob out of my shirt, she had her mouth wide as can be, anticipating what was to come. I watched her latch on and it looked perfect! Remember, I am no lactation consultant. However, I've seen one so many times, I know what a good latch looks like. I say that to say this: don't think it can't be fixed! KH is 14 weeks old and is finally making a consistent, good latch. If we can do it, you can too!
I typed this up real quick while feeding her and now it's time for bed. Until next time!
She also said to try using lanolin before pumping. Huh. That was definitely a new concept that makes perfect sense. If lanolin is supposed to help with comfort post-feed, why wouldn't it help with pre-pump? I decided to give it a go. Lanolin plus larger flanges... I'm not gonna lie, I was a little scared to turm the pump on due to the pain I'd experienced early on. So deep breaths. 1, 2, 3! 4, 5, 6! Okay okay. 7, 8, go! Much to my surprise and excitement, it didn't hurt. Who would've thought something that simple would have such an outcome?
On to something completely different... As I said early in the blog, KH and I have struggled with latch. One of her problems has been the refusal to open wide enough. She only gets fed in 1 of 2 ways. Either cross cradle on a boppy or side lie in bed. Side lie in bed? Yes, we co-sleep. Anyway, I noticed last week there were times she'd be done a little quicker. One day she was pretty hungry when I laid her on the boppy. Before I could get my boob out of my shirt, she had her mouth wide as can be, anticipating what was to come. I watched her latch on and it looked perfect! Remember, I am no lactation consultant. However, I've seen one so many times, I know what a good latch looks like. I say that to say this: don't think it can't be fixed! KH is 14 weeks old and is finally making a consistent, good latch. If we can do it, you can too!
I typed this up real quick while feeding her and now it's time for bed. Until next time!
Friday, April 4, 2014
I came to a not fun realization today. My Holstein boob doesn't like the pump. For those of you who aren't rednecks, a Holstein is a high producing dairy cow. Anyway, when I started pumping, I got about 1/2 ounce more on the right side than the left. The more I pumped, the more I noticed the equalizing of the amounts. Now, it's a struggle to get close to equal. I know that production can change based on how much she eats, if she feeds predominately on one side first, blah blah blah. That's not the issue. The milk is there, it just won't come out! I have noticed the flow will stop and I have about a 1/2 ounce less on the right side than on the left. I feel and notice it's not empty. Through tons of googling about supply, expression, and pumping, I learned about squeezing. Yes, that's right. I couldn't figure it out without the internet. So I started squeezing. Sides, top, bottom, sides again, bottom again.... I noticed that I would generate quite a flow while doing this. In fact, it would turn out to be the extra 1/2 ounce I was short.
What does this mean? That's a good question I may never know the answer to. It means that I have a bruise from squeezing so hard to express milk. It means if I don't squeeze and get the bruise, I'll be engorged quicker. Even at the end of the day when I take my vest off, the right side is knotted with the feeling of being engorged. The left side, while it feels full, is obviously less so. Due to the fact that I didn't pump often prior to returning to work, I can't say if it's the vest constricting and causing problems or if my body has a lack of interest in the pump. I despise pumping too much to try to do a full day of it when I'm not at work. Plus, KH won't take a bottle from me so that would make for a LONG day!
Today wasn't as bad when I got off work. My normal sitter has 2 other kids that she watches all day long, as well as 2 adult relatives in her house. I have gone to her house to feed KH on my lunch breaks in the past but generally feel like I'm messing with her routine so I leave it alone. Today, the sitter was unavailable so she stayed with a friend of mine. I was able to feed KH one meal from the real deal. It's amazing how much that one instance can change your whole day! Either way, knowing I have the problem with the Holstein boob, I started her out on that side because it's known babies suck harder and clear out the first boob quicker. I moved her to the left one when she was done, played with her for a few minutes, then put her back on the right one. The relief was incredible! Knowing that she can clean it out means it's not a duct problem. It's a pump problem. Maybe squeezing will help my body get used to the pump? Maybe? Hopefully? Please? Only time will tell.
Until next time...
What does this mean? That's a good question I may never know the answer to. It means that I have a bruise from squeezing so hard to express milk. It means if I don't squeeze and get the bruise, I'll be engorged quicker. Even at the end of the day when I take my vest off, the right side is knotted with the feeling of being engorged. The left side, while it feels full, is obviously less so. Due to the fact that I didn't pump often prior to returning to work, I can't say if it's the vest constricting and causing problems or if my body has a lack of interest in the pump. I despise pumping too much to try to do a full day of it when I'm not at work. Plus, KH won't take a bottle from me so that would make for a LONG day!
Today wasn't as bad when I got off work. My normal sitter has 2 other kids that she watches all day long, as well as 2 adult relatives in her house. I have gone to her house to feed KH on my lunch breaks in the past but generally feel like I'm messing with her routine so I leave it alone. Today, the sitter was unavailable so she stayed with a friend of mine. I was able to feed KH one meal from the real deal. It's amazing how much that one instance can change your whole day! Either way, knowing I have the problem with the Holstein boob, I started her out on that side because it's known babies suck harder and clear out the first boob quicker. I moved her to the left one when she was done, played with her for a few minutes, then put her back on the right one. The relief was incredible! Knowing that she can clean it out means it's not a duct problem. It's a pump problem. Maybe squeezing will help my body get used to the pump? Maybe? Hopefully? Please? Only time will tell.
Until next time...
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Exhaustion and infant/newborn are words that go hand in hand. I know this and I expected it from the start. One thing about a Police Officer's job that usually seems to cause grief is the schedule. Different agencies work different hours and some switch rotations after a certain number of weeks. We generally work 12 hour shifts. My dilemma has come to this: What is better for me and KH? Continuing with the 12 hour shifts or applying to a specialized position and transferring? As a single parent this is a question I've been battling since pregnancy. There are 2 ways to see it. You either get a normal person schedule with regular nights and weekends off or you get more days off and longer days of work.
Right now I feel like I don't get to spend any time with KH on days I work. It takes all I have to not wake her up when I get up in the mornings so I get extra play time with her. As it is, my morning routine is as follows:
-alarm goes off at butt crack of dawn
-let the dogs outside
-take a shower
-make a cup of coffee
-feed the dogs and cat
-make a cup of mother's milk tea (I swear by it and it tastes pretty good)
-load up the truck with all KH's stuff needed for the sitter
-get myself ready
-pump
-get KH from bed and put her in the carseat to go to the sitter
Sometimes she wakes up with me or she wakes up to feed before I'm ready to leave. Those days pose interesting challenges. She won't take a bottle from me so I constantly have to watch the clock. I think over and over in my head, "Do I have time to pump if she wakes up right now and decides to eat?" That is the most important part. As much as I hate pumping, I have to before leaving for work every morning. The pain of engorgement from however many hours of her not eating overnight, then being squished into a bulletproof vest is not fun. I'm pretty sure I said in an earlier post that she still isn't a "normal" breastfeeding baby. She takes no less than 30 minutes and that's on a good day. She woke up early one day and I decided to multitask. I pumped one boob while she fed on the other. That was a little difficult because I'd never tried it before. The balancing act was a completely new experience. However, I'm convinced it helped the letdown occur quicker, thereby causing a quicker pumping session. I don't know where I was going with all that so I'll get back to the point. It is that I don't get to see her in the morning because her sleep is important. I take her to the sitter's house and she's usually there for 13ish hours. I pick her up after work and take her home. As soon as we get home, it's time for bath and feed. She falls asleep feeding and I never get to spend any time playing with her. I feel like my work days are all business, on the job and at home. When she falls asleep, I stay up a little longer to eat and do a little housework, then I go to bed. She typically gets up at least once during the night for anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 hours. My alarm usually goes off shortly after that. On days I work, I would say I average 4.5 hours of sleep, if that.
The plus side of my schedule is that I don't work 5 days a week with only the weekend off. I work half the days in the year. The other half I'm off. In fact, if you include holidays, sick days, and vacation, I work under 180 days a year. That's EXTREMELY hard to walk away from! Does being away from my munchkin all day suck? Absolutely. Does having extra time off to spend with her rock? You betcha!! It's a debate I'm having to go over in my mind. I would only be spending an extra 2 hours with her in the evenings if I decide to apply for a transfer out. However, a lot can be done in 2 hours. I've already been going over this concept in my head like it's a broken record. I still don't have an answer. For the time being I'm happy where I am. I still love my job and the people I work with. You have plenty of time to sleep when you're dead, right?
Until next time!
Right now I feel like I don't get to spend any time with KH on days I work. It takes all I have to not wake her up when I get up in the mornings so I get extra play time with her. As it is, my morning routine is as follows:
-alarm goes off at butt crack of dawn
-let the dogs outside
-take a shower
-make a cup of coffee
-feed the dogs and cat
-make a cup of mother's milk tea (I swear by it and it tastes pretty good)
-load up the truck with all KH's stuff needed for the sitter
-get myself ready
-pump
-get KH from bed and put her in the carseat to go to the sitter
Sometimes she wakes up with me or she wakes up to feed before I'm ready to leave. Those days pose interesting challenges. She won't take a bottle from me so I constantly have to watch the clock. I think over and over in my head, "Do I have time to pump if she wakes up right now and decides to eat?" That is the most important part. As much as I hate pumping, I have to before leaving for work every morning. The pain of engorgement from however many hours of her not eating overnight, then being squished into a bulletproof vest is not fun. I'm pretty sure I said in an earlier post that she still isn't a "normal" breastfeeding baby. She takes no less than 30 minutes and that's on a good day. She woke up early one day and I decided to multitask. I pumped one boob while she fed on the other. That was a little difficult because I'd never tried it before. The balancing act was a completely new experience. However, I'm convinced it helped the letdown occur quicker, thereby causing a quicker pumping session. I don't know where I was going with all that so I'll get back to the point. It is that I don't get to see her in the morning because her sleep is important. I take her to the sitter's house and she's usually there for 13ish hours. I pick her up after work and take her home. As soon as we get home, it's time for bath and feed. She falls asleep feeding and I never get to spend any time playing with her. I feel like my work days are all business, on the job and at home. When she falls asleep, I stay up a little longer to eat and do a little housework, then I go to bed. She typically gets up at least once during the night for anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 hours. My alarm usually goes off shortly after that. On days I work, I would say I average 4.5 hours of sleep, if that.
The plus side of my schedule is that I don't work 5 days a week with only the weekend off. I work half the days in the year. The other half I'm off. In fact, if you include holidays, sick days, and vacation, I work under 180 days a year. That's EXTREMELY hard to walk away from! Does being away from my munchkin all day suck? Absolutely. Does having extra time off to spend with her rock? You betcha!! It's a debate I'm having to go over in my mind. I would only be spending an extra 2 hours with her in the evenings if I decide to apply for a transfer out. However, a lot can be done in 2 hours. I've already been going over this concept in my head like it's a broken record. I still don't have an answer. For the time being I'm happy where I am. I still love my job and the people I work with. You have plenty of time to sleep when you're dead, right?
Until next time!
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