Exhaustion and infant/newborn are words that go hand in hand.  I know this and I expected it from the start.  One thing about a Police Officer's job that usually seems to cause grief is the schedule.  Different agencies work different hours and some switch rotations after a certain number of weeks.  We generally work 12 hour shifts.  My dilemma has come to this:  What is better for me and KH?  Continuing with the 12 hour shifts or applying to a specialized position and transferring?  As a single parent this is a question I've been battling since pregnancy.  There are 2 ways to see it.  You either get a normal person schedule with regular nights and weekends off or you get more days off and longer days of work.

Right now I feel like I don't get to spend any time with KH on days I work.  It takes all I have to not wake her up when I get up in the mornings so I get extra play time with her.  As it is, my morning routine is as follows:

-alarm goes off at butt crack of dawn
-let the dogs outside
-take a shower
-make a cup of coffee
-feed the dogs and cat
-make a cup of mother's milk tea (I swear by it and it tastes pretty good)
-load up the truck with all KH's stuff needed for the sitter
-get myself ready
-pump
-get KH from bed and put her in the carseat to go to the sitter

Sometimes she wakes up with me or she wakes up to feed before I'm ready to leave.  Those days pose interesting challenges.  She won't take a bottle from me so I constantly have to watch the clock.  I think over and over in my head, "Do I have time to pump if she wakes up right now and decides to eat?"  That is the most important part.  As much as I hate pumping, I have to before leaving for work every morning.  The pain of engorgement from however many hours of her not eating overnight, then being squished into a bulletproof vest is not fun.  I'm pretty sure I said in an earlier post that she still isn't a "normal" breastfeeding baby.  She takes no less than 30 minutes and that's on a good day.  She woke up early one day and I decided to multitask.  I pumped one boob while she fed on the other.  That was a little difficult because I'd never tried it before.  The balancing act was a completely new experience.  However, I'm convinced it helped the letdown occur quicker, thereby causing a quicker pumping session.  I don't know where I was going with all that so I'll get back to the point.  It is that I don't get to see her in the morning because her sleep is important.  I take her to the sitter's house and she's usually there for 13ish hours.  I pick her up after work and take her home.  As soon as we get home, it's time for bath and feed.  She falls asleep feeding and I never get to spend any time playing with her.  I feel like my work days are all business, on the job and at home.  When she falls asleep, I stay up a little longer to eat and do a little housework, then I go to bed.  She typically gets up at least once during the night for anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 hours.  My alarm usually goes off shortly after that.  On days I work, I would say I average 4.5 hours of sleep, if that.

The plus side of my schedule is that I don't work 5 days a week with only the weekend off.  I work half the days in the year.  The other half I'm off.  In fact, if you include holidays, sick days, and vacation, I work under 180 days a year.  That's EXTREMELY hard to walk away from! Does being away from my munchkin all day suck?  Absolutely.  Does having extra time off to spend with her rock?  You betcha!!  It's a debate I'm having to go over in my mind.  I would only be spending an extra 2 hours with her in the evenings if I decide to apply for a transfer out.  However, a lot can be done in 2 hours.  I've already been going over this concept in my head like it's a broken record.  I still don't have an answer.  For the time being I'm happy where I am.  I still love my job and the people I work with.  You have plenty of time to sleep when you're dead, right?

Until next time!