In 2 weeks my little munchkin turns a year old. Where did the time go? I'm happy to report that I have enough of a stash in my freezer that I could stop breastfeeding right now and she would not have a drop of formula!!! Woohoo! What that means is I will successfully make a year of breastfeeding. It's been the hardest, most trying time of my life. I never knew that the decision to breastfeed would lead to such a difficult journey! Do I regret anything? Absolutely not. Would I change anything? Yes. I would've gone for the hospital grade pump a little sooner. Other than that, absolutely not. KH wasn't always a healthy ox. She found her fair share of viruses and allergy induced infections. Overall, though, she's a happy, healthy, vibrant, thriving human being. It's still crazy to me to think that she is who she is because of me. I grew her for 9 months in my body, for 6 months on exclusive breastmilk, and through (almost) 12 months on mainly breastmilk with some food for fun. A friend said breastfeeding made her feel empowered and I agree. I grew a human for almost 2 years!!

The next question is: how long do I keep going? People ask me that all the time and I give them the same answer every time. I don't know. It's up to her. She's at the distractable time now so breastfeeding is often challenging. She won't stay focused long enough to get to the let down. It's frustrating to her and even moreso to me. However, she also grabs at my clothes to get to what she wants. It's fun asking her, "Want some boobs?" Her response is a giggle and a head dive into my chest. I figure I'll let her make the decision to wean.

My job continues to be absolutely amazing and very flexible. I recently applied for a "normal" position in the schools. By normal, I mean 8-4 Mon-Fri. No more 12 hour shifts!!!! In the interview for the position, I was asked about pumping and how it would apply to the job. They asked how it would be included into my day-to-day activities and if it would work out. I can't even begin to express the gratitude I've felt with my supervisors in this continued journey. I wish every woman could have the opportunity I have!

Luckily, she only has 2 1/2 teeth. She bit me once and it was when she was distracted. It was absolutely accidental. She is waaaaaay behind the grade compared to all of my friends and I am completely okay with it! She has the 1/2 tooth and another about to break through. I keep telling myself that it will be alright but I'm completely gun shy. Yikes!

I'll post again after our year mark. It's so close!!

Until next time!

A heck of a lot has happened since my last post. I was having a huge supply issue and my freezer stash was dwindling fast. I made the decision to try a supplement, Go-Lacta, to help. Did it work for me? Absolutely not! I'll throw out the disclaimer that I am not a lactation consultant or a representative of any company. Any views expressed in this blog are from my personal experience and I show no affiliation with anything. I read reviews about Go-Lacta and there were lots of positives. I made it through a month's supply with no help.

So, what now? A few of my friends had results from domperidone. It's a medication that can't be obtained easily. I made the decision to try it out and placed the order. During the wait, I decided to try Reglan. Again, I heard good things from persons in my circle. Reglan comes with a slew of side effects. A SLEW!!! I hate taking medications so those who know me will read this blog entry and drop a jaw in disbelief. When I do take medications, whether prescription or over the counter, I never experience side effects. Until Reglan. I took it for 3 days. I was only given a 7 day supply. Did it work? Yes. I went from pumping 1 3/4 oz every 3 hours to pumping 2.5. However, I had trouble staying awake. I sat at work slapping myself in the face trying to keep my eyes open. Here I am, a sleep deprived single mom with a full-time job who's already struggling to be functional, falling asleep. I stopped taking it because I couldn't work. Period. It made me a zombie! So I continued my pumping as scheduled, waiting on what I hoped to be my miracle drug.

Fast forward 3 weeks when my domperidone comes in. I've watched my freezer stash dwindle to 60ish ounces from numbers well into the 3 digits. After a week, I was pumping 3.5-5 oz per session! Woooooo!!!!!! I thought it was a fluke, somehow. I hoped it wasn't, but feared it was. After the second week, I was still producing the same amount. Recently, for the first time in months, I pumped 6 ounces. 6!!!! I thought I was going to cry out of pure joy. Actually, I did. I even took pictures of the milk bottles and sent them to a few close friends. I felt like I was finally back where I was before the curse of 12 hour shifts came into play. I only take it twice a day. It works extremely well for me and it was the best choice I could've made!

So, like I said, a lot has happened. I didn't want to make any posts until I had a result. Thankfully, after 2 or 3 momths of uncertainty, I report good news! I bid you adieu. Until next time!

After a week of using the Symphony pump, I'm addicted. I didn't pump any more than usual, but I pumped it in half the time. ZERO pain. I really wish I'd used it from the start. After speaking with my lactation consultant about the low yields, she suggested a milk transfer check. KH fed, in the middle of the day and after 3 hours of not eating, and ate 2 1/3 ounces. The obvious equivalent of what I've been pumping. Good and bad. Good: my body's responding to what it thinks she needs. Bad: she drinks from a bottle with zero effort when she's not with me and therefore eats more than that. Clearly she's eating more than I'm pumping.  Bummer. It was suggested that I start taking a supplement to help boost milk production. Enter Go-Lacta. That's what I'm tryimg at the moment. It's nutritionally based, not an herb, so it's supposed to be better for me. I'm curious to see if there will be a difference over the next few days. I pumped this morning, post-feed, and got 1.5 ounces. That's a huge difference over the few drops I was getting before. Again, like the last entry, I'll keep you posted on the outcome. Until next time!

Tomorrow starts a new journey in my life. I've had a persistent pelvic problem that I tried sweeping under the rug. It got to the point that I had to go back on light duty. I'm now working 4 10 hour shifts in a row instead of a maximum of 3 12's in a row. The problem has been pumping. The pumping was slacking and my body was hating it more than normal. So much so that I am pumping 2ish ounces per pump session. Before, when I wasn't on light duty, I could go to the house and pump. At least there I was in KH's room where I was comfortable and a little more relaxed. Now, I'm in a room I've pumped in a few times without a whole lot of success. When I pump, I squeeze, massage, push, move positions, etc., and still get 2 ounces. By the end of the day, I'm in engorgement pain. I can always feel the milk, I just can't get it out! I know it's not a supply issue. When I'm off work, KH is pretty much exclusively breastfed. We have zero problems... So, when I say I'm starting a new journey, I'm starting one with a new pump. I'm pushing the Medela Pump n Style to the curb and trying the Medela Symphony. If it works, I'm going to be renting it permanently. If it doesn't, I have to go back to the drawing board to solicit help/advice. Wish me luck! I'll let y'all know how it goes.

Topics to discuss since my last post: Sleep, Why Would I Want to Sleep, and Niplash.

So, as I mentioned in my last post, KH started sleeping. I had no clue how much I needed that extra sleep. I was a rock, determined, headstr-zzzzzzz.  Screw it, I was tired. Emotionally, physically, mentally, and any other -ly there is. I was on the verge of a breakdown and did not know because everyday was more and more exhausting. Looking back, I really don't know how I survived. Alas, here I am. She's still in her crib, although some nights it's challenging. Most nights she sleeps 6-7ish hours her first stint. Most, not all. During that time, I have me time and get 4-5 hours of sleep. Way better than the 1-2 I was getting before. There are still some nights that she's up every 1-3. Those typically occur on nights before workdays and I have to get up early. Thanks munchkin!

I'll try "Why Would I Want to Sleep" for $200, Alex. Those days!!!! Yes, we all know those days happen, but we'd like to keep them a distant blur. My story is sad. It comes with an entry of, "I did everything I know to do and just couldn't think of anything else." KH has her days. On some of her days, she takes 2, 3, or 4 naps. I have learned the more naps she takes, the better she sleeps at night. Rewind to a few days ago. She took 1 30 minute nap throughout the whole day. 1. That 1 she took was on the couch and she fought every second of iy. I did everything I knew to do.  I sang, hugged, nursed, held, rocked, walked, etc. I couldn't get her to sleep! She was exhausted. Eventually, after at least 20 minutes of screaming, she gave in and fell asleep. Then, she huffed and puffed in her sleep. I felt bad enough not being able to comfort her so that was an added negative. That night, she repeated the screaming. I was clueless. I'd done everything prior. She was rubbing her eyes, yawning, and screaming bloody murder. I ended up walking outside and letting her cry in her crib. I was done. Between the screaming during the day and the screaming at night, I needed help. Help wasn't there, so I walked away. Was it the right thing to do? Yes and no. Yes in that she finally went to sleep. No in that I was afraid I'd hurt my baby!

Special note: she has her first tooth popping through. This could very well be the problem

Let's change it up a bit. I'll have Niplash for $1600, Alex. I know I've mentioned it before, but sweet mother of pearl!!! It's become so prevalent, my nipples are as sore as the first week we started nursing. I tried telling her no. She grinned at me. I tried taking it away. She found it. I told her no. She laughed. Clearly, I needed to be more stern. I started popping her diaper when she does it and saying no. Don't get me wrong, it's not a spanking. It's very light and on the diaper only for a startle reflex. When I first started, she didn't correlate. She smiled and laughed while I was trying to be strict. It wasn't effective, so I stsrted grounding her from the boob. You want to talk about sad eyes and pouty lips?! I think, after 3 days, she's starting to figure it out. In fact, today I could feel her about to niplash me. She stopped, looked me in the eye, and kept eating. My tits say to cross your fingers for them. They're begging for mercy and wonderimg how much more they can take!

That's it for me tonight ladies and gents. Until next time!

It's a Christmas (in August) miracle!! KH has started sleeping longer stretches through the night and has (gasp) moved to her crib!!! The first night she slept next to me in bed for 7 hours straight, she woke me up numerous times kicking.  I didn't think that was all too fair, so I figured I'd try out the next night in her crib.  She either would sleep, or she wouldn't.  2 options.  Either of which, I was properly prepared for.  For 7.5 months she slept with me, waking up anywhere from ever 45 minutes to every 3 hours.  What's one night of a trial run?  She slept.... 8 hours in her first stretch in her crib!!! I was ecstatic.  Of course, you know, I woke up every 2-3 hours as my body has been trained.  I'd wake up, freak out, check the monitor to make sure it still worked, turn the volume up extra high to get the feedback to make sure it really was working, then try to get back to sleep after my minor moment of insanity.  Okay, okay, it was more a major moment of insanity.  What do you expect?  I was sleeping without her in my bed for the first time in 7 months and the first time not in my room ever!  Since then, it's been a back and forth limbo.  1 night she woke up every 3 hours like clock work.  I thought I was going to die.  It's amazing how you can follow a routine for 7 months, then after a few days of change, you have no idea what was involved in that initial routine.  We'll call that "parenting."

Anyway.  She's not sleeping all the way through the night.  She's usually up, at minimum, by 5 am to eat.  She then goes back to sleep until around 8ish.  I went from sleeping...  I just sat at the computer watching my cursor because I couldn't quantify it.  I didn't really sleep.  I was tired.  I slept walked through days.  Now, I feel like a new woman!!!

On a less exciting note, my milk stash is going away.  Sad day, sad day.  My pumping sessions have gone from 4-5 ounces per pump, to 3ish or so ounces per pump.  It's disheartening.  I still have a supply in the freezer.  I haven't counted in a while so I can't say for sure exactly how much.  I am definitely not going to have a starving child in the next day or 2.  Speaking of my kid eating, we've now tried sweet potatoes, avocado, peaches, carrots, pears, lemons, and limes. She loves to eat!  Don't get me wrong, she still loves the boob.  Nothing is going to change that right now.  However, she's an explorer.  She's gone from scooting around to crawling from one end of the room to the next in a matter of a few minutes.  My baby girl is growing up so fast!!! Slow down time!!!  I guess that's what's supposed to happen.  Babies grow, mom's get sleep, blogs get written... Well, maybe that last part is unique in and of itself.

Texas heat has caused a bad reaction on me.  I'm exhausted.  I'm going to have to end on that note and head to the sack.  G'night all.  Until next time!

How did no one warn me about fingernails?  Holy cow those things hurt! Everything's all good and well in feeding land until she starts squeezing.  Then, as I sit there cringing, I wonder how quickly I can get to the clippers.  On the other side of the room.  On the dresser.  Do you know how long that takes?  Then, you grab the clippers and have to keep the 7 month old distracted long enough to clip 1 nail.  10 is out of the question in one sitting.  1 nail at a time over a 48 hour time frame to keep them from causing extreme agony over and over again. Who would've thought something so minute would cause so much difficulty?

Also, I'm getting kicked in the face, jaw, neck, forearm, hand, etc. while breastfeeding. It's becoming an every time occurrence. KH is a mover and a shaker.  When I look at the growth expectancies and where they should be developmentally, she's always one step ahead.  I blame that giganto head of hers that's so full of brains.  Anyway, breastfeeding is becoming a fun act.

Tonight, while doing the night feed, she decided she would start niplashing all over again.  I'm pretty sure I've talked about niplash in a prior blog.  It happens when she's feeding as normal, then all of a sudden turns her head, taking my nipple with her and breaking the latch in a loud smack.  Doah!.  Anyway, I'm trying to figure out how to combat this particular instance.  During this feed, she would be eating fine.  Eyes closing, hands open in normal position, awesome latch.  Then all of a sudden, boom!  She jerks her head, niplashing.  The first time I thought she saw/heard something out of the ordinary.  However, she latched right back on.  Less than 2 seconds elapsed.  All was going well and after about 2 minutes, BAM! Niplash again!  Same scenario, less than 2 seconds and she was back on.  For anyone reading this who has never experienced niplash, it's not pleasant.  Painful is a decent explanation, but not quite the perfect one.  I decided to take it away from her.  I said, "Ow," as I usually do when she does something while eating that causes me pain.  No effect.  After a few more minutes, she did it again.  I tried taking it away.  I said, "Ow," picked her up, and put her on my shoulder.  She cried and cried and cried.  After about a minute (seemed like 5), I let her back on.  Within a minute, same thing.  Son of a &^^%&*($!!!  So, I switched boobs, thinking that may help.  Nope.  Not. One. Bit.  She kept doing it over and over again, no matter how many times I took it away.  This all occurs on the Boppy pillow. I took her to her normal co-sleeping place and she had no problems.  In less than 10 minutes, she was asleep.

Whoever said breastfeeding is easy was, in my opinion, a joke.  No part of this has been easy.  It's been awesome, don't get me wrong, but very difficult.  I know we'll overcome this hurdle.  I just have to figure out how.  I'll let ya know when I get there.

Completely unrelated, I went to the Great Texas Balloon Race this past weekend.  Completely awesome!!!  Here's a bit of what I saw.  Hope you enjoy this completely unrelated photo op.  Until next time!

Know what's awesome about parenting? Everything! It's always a new surprise. KH has started waking up "for good" between 6 & 7 on my days off. I blame having to wake her up at 515ish on my work days. Anyway, I've battled this by moving her from my bed to her crib. I leave the monitor on so I can hear her. So far, it's given me at least 2 hours of extra sleep per try. Saturday morning, I was supposed to be at work at 11. KH decided she wanted to wake up at 6. I said no thanks. Put her in her crib and went back to sleep. My alarm went off at 845 and I was shocked! Almost 3 hours of extra sleep! I hopped in the shower, got dressed, then went to check on her. Huh. Much to my, um, surprise(?) she was laying on her stomach asleep. In poo. That had clearly been there a while. Crap. Literally. I have to be at work soon. I don't have time for this! Baby wipes. Those must be able to do the trick. I laid her on the changing table and one, two, four, six wipes later... I'm still finding poo and she smells atrocious. I text my supervisor. A poop party, not my own, has happened. May be late to work. I text the sitter for the day: "Poo party. Haven't even thought about leaving the house." Luckily that came with an offer to come pick her up. Yes, please!!! It was so nasty. I swear she managed to get it in the neck fat rolls! Sitter picked her up, I got to work on time, whew!

Another thing: I got kicked in the face yesterday by KH. While she was breastfeeding. Yep, I'm watching her eat and smiling along as usual when, "WHAM!" Right in the face! Or as Peter Griffin would say, "Pow, right in the kisser. Pow, right in the kisser. Pow, right in the kisser."

I'm determined my kid's first word will be "boobie." When it is, I will laugh. Hysterically. Thereby, hopefully, causing her to repeat it over and over again. Awesome parenting skills! I have my reasons. I'll mention further at a later date. Until next time!

The verdict is: KH was up to 17 pounds 11 ounces and 71st percentile!!! Holy moly when did my kid get so big? Breast milk is best milk for nutrition. She got her vaccines at the appointment and for the second time, she spiked a fever. The first time was the first round. She had no issues with the second round. This makes me think back to what was done. The only consistency is the Rota Virus vaccine. Is that the cause? I have no idea. I'm not a doctor or a medical professional of any sort. However, it very well could be a possibility. Her fever was never super high. I took it twice during the day and both times it sat at 100.5 degrees. I used the feel method the rest of the time to know she was still warm. Of course the cuddles were a great indicator. Man I loved spending that day with her. It sucked that she felt bad, but for the first time in a while, she fell asleep on my shoulder. She's growing up so fast and I try to savor every opportunity I can.

My pump routine on days off has always been: once in the morning after the morning feed and no more. I hate pumping, I've said this numerous times. So I stopped pumping on days off altogether. My life is so much nicer without that extra nuisance! My stash of milk has stayed pretty solid at 300ish ounces. I'm starting the slow introduction of solid foods so occasionally I pump for fresh milk to use. Mostly, I just don't.

Work is still being amazing with me and my pumping. I'm going to have to reduce my pumping by a session before too long. I just don't know when yet. I'm not ready yet.

Time's up for now. Until next time!

Distracted breastfeeding has become more fun as the days go by.  It's a regular occurrence to "catch" KH if she's eating on the Boppy.  She arches her back, turns her head (nipple included), and looks around.  She's also become amazingly awesome at kicking me so I can't hold her on.  I was feeding her at the lactation consultant's shop earlier this week.  There was a newer mom in the room with me who was also feeding her baby.  She watched KH flip and flop, tuck and roll, and make quick rapid movements.  I swear that poor mom's eyes doubled in size and her jaw dropped.  "I thought this was supposed to get easier!"  Oh honey, don't worry.  It gets easier.  Then it gets interesting.  She's more efficient than she used to be so an average breastfeeding session, compared to 2 months ago, takes a few minutes less. If I could keep her focused, it'd be super quick!  I wonder if I could figure out a way to let her watch tv or something along those lines.  Then again, she's a big fan of grabbing her feet and pulling them with her so maybe that wouldn't work either.  Meh, hogwash!

We still have no teeth.  Thank goodness! I feel around on her bottom gums everyday to make sure I am not about to fall victim to a chomp.  I'm afraid.  Very, very afraid!

Next week is our 6 month (and 2 week) checkup.  I'm super excited to see where she falls on the chart in percentiles.  Remember, we started at 25% in weight and last check were up to 56%.  We shall see!  She enjoys eating food which is exciting, yet sad.  I love breastfeeding.  Introducing food means a reduction in the amount she eats straight from me.  My kiddo's growing up.... I'm happy in that she's happy and completely in line developmentally.  I'm sad at the fact she's not so much my little baby anymore.  Moms, if I even needed to say it, take lots of pictures!!!  KH's hair is getting long to the point of not being able to wear headbands with bows.  I'm still doing it, just not as often.  Another sign of growing up.  Oh well, this little stage will pass and soon she'll let me put clips in her hair.  I sure hope so, anyway.  I've had a few sleepless nights, thanks to my kiddo, so I'm going to head to the sack.  Here's a picture of KH that I took a week and a half ago.  Until next time!

Dear Blog,

     I'm sorry I keep forgetting you exist.  Please forgive me and accept this update as a score evener-outer!

Sincerely,

Me


Now that the awkwardness is out of the way, back to me!  A lot has happened lately.  KH turned 6 months old.  6 months!!! How did that happen?  It seems like yesterday she was a new ball of wonders with a head that could only look up with my support.  Now she's sitting upright, playing with her toes, laughing and smiling, and everything she can touch goes straight into her mouth.  One fun thing to note about her 6 month day is:  we made it!!! What is it?  It is the phenomenal accomplishment of being exclusively breastfed everyday of her life.  No other nutrition entered her body.  No formula, cereal, foods, etc.  Only breast milk! To anyone reading this who doesn't know, that's a heck of an accomplishment.  It's recommended that babies be exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months of their lives.  The recommendation comes from the American Academy of Pediatrics, the World Health Organization.... Yet doctors encourage their patients to start their babies on solid foods at 4 months.  I don't understand the logic.  In the United States, only 15% of moms and babies make that milestone.  Well, ladies and gents, KH and I are part of that 15%!!

After the 6 month mark, we had to try food.  Had to because it's inevitable, not because I wanted to. I decided her first food would be avocado.  I mushed a bunch of it into a consistency similar to guacamole, then added breast milk.  Lots and lots of breast milk!  She seemed to enjoy it.  The look on her face was classic.  Towards the end of the small meal, I decided to offer her one more bite.  Just one more.  She gave me a face that said, "Yuck, gross, get it away, WTF, how is this happening?"  Okay, okay, okay, we're done for the day.

It's officially July which means we should be well into the Texas summer and 100 degree temps by now.  Thank goodness that's not the case.  The highest temperature I've seen so far is 95. Don't let numbers fool you.  When you're working a wreck on the asphalt street with no breeze, the exhaust from a car hitting you and the sun is relentlessly beating down on you, 95 degrees is hot!  I have been forced in years past to deal with swass.  I know that sounds like a hip new term for something the cool kids are doing.  In actuality, it's a combination of sweaty and ass.  Yes, that's what you get when you combine Texas heat with humidity and a uniform.  Now that I'm pumping so regularly, I'm having to deal with swoob.  Yep, that's right.  Sweaty boob.  It's absolutely disgusting.  Why sweat has such a repulsive effect on the body, I will never know.  There are many factors that can cause your letdown to be greater or lesser.  I wonder if the smell has anything to do with it?  A friend of mine asked me if I knew there was such a thing as underboob deodorant.  My response was: Did you know I put deodorant under my boobs?  It's true!  It keeps the smell down and makes everything a little more pleasant.  And there, my friends, is your TMI for the day.  Remember next time you're running, mowing the yard, or laying in a hammock in the heat:  deodorant for underboob is the answer to your problems!!!

KH still doesn't know how to sleep through the night.  At 6 months, the most sleep I've gotten in a row recently is 2 hours.  Yeah, take that in for just a second.  She's 6 months old and doesn't sleep longer than 2 hours at a time.  That means some nights she sleeps less.  My middle name has become zombie.  I'm not really sure how I've kept up.  I guess because I have no other choice in the matter.  Plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead!!  On that note, I'm going to bed.  Until next time!

I don't think anyone has truly ever experienced pain until they've had a blister on their nipple that is repeatedly agitated by a plastic pump and a sucking child.  Ouch!! See, what had happened was, KH decided she would sleep hard one night.  That doesn't happen very often and I woke up somewhat refreshed.  I couldn't wake her up enough to feed before I left for work so I had to pump.  Well, my joy from being refreshed soon faded.  I noticed when I was pumping that it was slightly uncomfortable but didn't think anything about it.  My average pump these days is anywhere from 3-6 ounces.  On that particular sitting, it was 9.  6 out of one side.  My guess is that I was so full, it rubbed a blister.  Maybe.  I'm not a medical professional so my own personal speculation and ridicule is all I can attest to.  Anyway, I was hence presented with a new struggle.  On a side note, my lactation consultant asked why I always have weird breastfeeding problems.  I said it's simple.  If I didn't have problems, what would I have to blog about?  Anyway, I now had to figure out a way to pump and feed without being in excruciating pain.

A few entries back, I mentioned a friend told me about using lanolin with the pump.  I did until I got used to it, then stopped.  Now that I had the blister, I decided to try it out and see.  It was a miracle!! I could pump with no pain!  The next problem was breastfeeding.  How could I do that with as little pain as possible?  Lanolin wouldn't be a solution because KH would take it off so quickly.  I was instructed to line her up so that the top of her mouth is the closest to the wound.  There is supposed to be less suction at that point and thereby less pain.  Victory!! I tried different positions to make sure that was the best and it, by far, was.

Prior to rubbing the blister, my body decided it didn't want to let down to the pump if the baby was nearby.  That's a problem.  I would go through 2-5 cycles of the let down part on the machine.  That's 4-10 minutes of the machine trying to make something happen and my body laughing at it.  When I started using the lanolin on the blister, I noticed I didn't have that problem.  I had asked a friend about her success on breastfeeding and what her current status was.  She mentioned having the same problem as me.  After I correlated the lanolin with a quicker let down, I told her about it.  She had tried it for another reason, it escapes me right now, and noticed the same effect.  She didn't put two and two together until I mentioned it.  It seems as if lanolin as a lubricant for the flanges will help with let down.  It's far from a miracle reliever of all problematic symptoms, but it worked.

I get the feeling there was some other problem I was going to post about but it escapes me at this sleepy hour of the night.  Tomorrow it will probably come to me and I will remember to blog about it in a month.  Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.  Yes, it's June.  I know.  I'm a bit delirious and thought it would be a fun touch.  Until next time!

Hey, so, remember that time I had a blog and I updated it?  No?  Me neither.  A lot has happened in my little world.  Munchkin still wakes me up 3-4 times a night so details are somewhat hazy.  Don't judge.  KH had her first illness.  She had a fever that didn't get too high.  I was playing the, "mommy feel" game instead of taking her temperature.  I knew she wasn't feeling like herself and she was warm.  I picked her up from the sitter one day after work and by the time I got home, she was head to toe in a rash.  I changed her diaper and noticed blood.  At that point, I took her temperature and it was 101.0.  Texts started flying to all of my friends.  The mommy instinct told me to wait it out.  2 of the friends I phoned said to take her to the ER.  I decided to call the doctor's office and speak with the on-call doctor to get their opinion.  AND I never got a return phone call.  I waited until the next day and took her in.  Her fever broke around 4 in the morning.  I know this because she wouldn't let me sleep.  I took her to the doc anyway, due to the other symptoms.  Diagnosis: probably a viral infection, maybe of the tummy variety.  The first symptoms started a few days after the 4 month visit to the doc's office so I'm pretty sure that's where she picked it up.  Oh well.  I survived KH's first illness with only a $20 co-pay!!!

I had to call into work the day I took her to the doctor's office.  I was already scheduled to be off the next weekend.  With all that time, I was off 8 days in a row.  I loved being home with my baby for that long again.  I also LOVED the fact I only pumped 8 times in 8 days!!!  Have I mentioned lately that I hate the pump?  KH is growing and changing so quickly.  I spent most of the days, as is normal, laying on the floor with her watching her explore.  She has started to scoot on tummy time, albeit in a backwards motion.  She still won't roll from her back to her belly.  I keep encouraging it but it just won't happen.  One day I'll look up and she'll be on the other side of the room. Then I'll wish I hadn't encouraged it so much!

New question I've been tossing around:  When should I start solid foods?  I Google the question and a million different answers pop up.  Her grandmother has been trying to push it on me and I keep saying she's not ready yet.  I read that they need to have complete control of their head and control of their gag reflex.  Neither one of those apply to my child.  At her 4 month check she was 56% on weight and 93% on head.  She's got a lot of brain to control!  Of course you hear they'll sleep better if you give them solid foods.  I have friends giving solid foods to their babies and they say that's 100% crap.  Throwing some cereal in with the night time feed doesn't do anything to help.  Baby still wakes up when it wants to.  My doctor didn't say anything to me at the 4 month exam or the following week's sick visit about introducing solids.  She was happy with the weight gain and content that I'm still breastfeeding.  The thing is, I enjoy breastfeeding.  KH is happy, gaining weight, and doesn't seem the slightest bit interested in solids. In fact, when I, or anyone else for that matter, eat in front of her, she laughs.  She doesn't open her mouth and try to mimic what I'm doing.  She laughs.  Hysterically.  I'm going to keep putting it off until the doc says it's time or I think she's ready.

I'm sure there were other things I was going to mention in the blog that were important but I really can't remember what they were.  When something comes to me, I'll add it in a new blog.  If I remember.  Geez, baby brain doesn't disappear when you have the kid!  Until next time!

Time for a real quick update!! KH's going through the 4 month sleep regression and I fear she'll wake at any moment, but today's a special day.  You see, 1 year ago today I peed on the magical stick. I took a picture of it and sent it to my best friend with one not-so-family-appropriate word attached to it.  Then I peed on another stick.  I took a picture of both of them together, sent it to my best friend, and this time I attached the same word in all caps.  Yeah... At the time, I thought it was the worst day of my life.  Now, by far, it was one of the better moments.

Yesterday KH and I went in for her four month (and 1 week because my doc is super busy) exam.  She got her ouchie vaccinations but she also got her weight, height, and head circumference check.  Verdict is: we're up to 56% on weight!! At 3 weeks of age she was only at 25%.  At 2 months, she was at 50% and now we're at 56%.  What that means is, I'm a successful breastfeeder!!! I also counted up my freezer stash and I'm 44 ounces over what I started at.  Win!!

My fear has become a reality and the baby's awake.  Until next time!

I'm now officially a lot of weeks back at work.  Well, not really, but when I look back to maternity leave, it SEEMS like I've been back a while.  One thing's for sure... I still hate pumping.  That hasn't changed.  Every time I sit down, I think, "This is going to be the time it doesn't suck!"  Well, not literally.  I mean, I want the pump to suck as much out as possible.  That's the point.  I mean the whole pumping experience.  To all you women who exclusively pump, I give you props.  I'm sure people would say that about exclusive breastfeeders, but it's different.  As a breastfeeder, I get to interact with my mini me.  She's at the distract-o age now where she wants to stop and smile periodically.  Even then, she's always been an excessive spit up baby so after I feed her, I try to stay in the same spot for a bit to let her belly settle.  During that time, I get lots of smiles, giggles, grabs, talks... When I pump, the only interaction I get is the repetitive cush, cush, cush, cush, cush, cush. Or if I pretend it's saying things, I get the occasional, "When I pump. When I pump. When I pump."  I use a Medela pump.  Seriously, if you have one, try it out.  I bet you'll hear the same thing in your head.

I thought by now my body would be used to the pump and the milk would flow more freely.  Wrong! I now have bruises on both of my boobs from squeezing the milk out.  A friend suggested warm compresses to help.  I'm still trying to figure out how I can do that and still fit within my time window.  I don't have a problem at let down.  My problem happens about 7ish minutes in.  All of a sudden I stop flowing and can feel there's a lot left.  It's not the most comfortable thing in the world, but I've started taking the flange off in the middle of the pumping session and putting it back with the nipple in a different position. If I hit it at the right spot, it starts flowing like Niagara Falls.  If I don't, I'm still at square one with a newfound level of discomfort from "breaking the latch" of the pump.  To stop and go to the kitchen to heat something up, or have a compress that's cost effective that would be warm at that point in my pumping is not time efficient.  I've yet to come up with a warm compress.

Work is still being awesome with me.  I've started using my lactation consultant's shop as a place to pump since it's within the zone I work in the City.  I nurse there often.  KH and I frequent her place on my days off and it's almost as if she knows when we walk in that she's going to eat.  The crazy thing about that is:  I still don't produce as much from the pump at her place as I do at my own house.  I still don't understand that totally.  I know it's all hormones, but if I'm in a place enough that my baby knows she's going to eat when she gets there, wouldn't my body think the same?  Then again, looking back on the days, maybe it's the types of calls that are going on within the city at the time.  Although I'm "out of service" at work, I always have my radio on and could have to jump and put everything on extremely quickly to go.  I've started limiting myself on time as well.  I try to get back in service within 30 minutes of going out of service.  That's undressing, pumping, labeling and putting the milk into bags, redressing, and being ready to go.  30 minutes.  And I constantly check the clock to make sure.  I'm still good with my supply.  I'm still maintaining about the same numbers and I haven't decreased my supply at home.  From an outsider looking in, I'm still good.

I've started trying a schedule at work.  Since I'm supposed to pump every 2-3 hours to keep my supply up, I am trying to pump at 0800, 1100, 1400, and 1700.  If I get a small window before any of those times, I jump at it.  The most I've had to go between pumping sessions to this point is almost 5 hours.  I noticed about 3ish hours in, I was squeezing the sides of my vest to try to relieve the pressure on my boobs.  I tried to do it nonchalantly so it wouldn't look bad.  By the time the end came, it just hurt.  I was pulling the vest out at my neck with one hand and doing everything I could to push the vest in at the sides with the other hand.  I think putting a bulletproof vest on a lactating non-Police Officer mom could be a fun game.  "See how long you can wear it without readjusting in some way."  Ha!  I bet an hour, tops!!

Anyway, thanks for reading.  KH has been in bed for a while so I'm going to go join her while I have the opportunity.  Until next time!!

Tomorrow is Easter.  The second holiday since my little angel made her way into this world.  Also, a day I will be spending at work, instead of with her and family.  I'm already starting to get emotional and the day hasn't even come yet.  Sigh... That's one part of the job I never minded.  I would always work holidays so my co-workers with kids could take off.  Now, I'm that co-worker with a kid.  For the record, I've never been much on holidays.  Even as a college student, it was rare for me to go home for any holiday but Christmas.  It has nothing to do with not liking my family and everything to do with my anti-Hallmark ideals.  I am a Christian, but I am not extremely fond of churches.  I go and feel like everyone is being super fake with forced smiles and false friendliness.  I know not everyone is like that, but that's how it seems in my mind.  Maybe it's because I worked nights for so long and would go to church grouchy.  When I'm grouchy, I don't want to smile!  I feel most holidays, religious or not, have turned into huge marketing schemes for a way to make money.  I mean, look at Christmas.  They're now having sales on Thanksgiving which takes people away from their families.  It makes absolutely no sense.  Man I got WAY off subject!! Anyway, tomorrow is my first holiday without my baby and I'm not looking forward to it!

I guess since this blog is about boobs, I should talk about them.  I hit and passed the dreaded 3 month mark.  I had started taking a supplement that included fenugreek and blessed thistle.  I was pumping awesome amounts but felt like it wasn't the right thing to do.  After all, there was nothing wrong with my supply to begin with so why should I have to supplement?  I got off of it and felt like my world was ending.  Not because I was depressed from not taking the supplement, but because the amount I was producing was so much less! I went from pumping at least 4 ounces every time to lucking out at 3.5.  I even pumped 2 3/4 ounces in one sitting.  I know you're not supposed to look at the flanges while you're pumping but I was staring them down hoping for more drops!! I was feeling terrible and almost started back on the supplements.  Alas, after 2 days of work pumping and 2 days off with my munchkin, my supply got back to where it needed to be.  I pump as close to every 3 hours as possible.  In doing so, I pump 4 ounces.  If it's a little under 3 hours, it's a little less.  If it's 4.5 hours like it was today, it's a lot more!  Did the supplement work? Absolutely.  Did I need it?  Absolutely not.  I've successfully hit and bypassed the 3 month mark as a continued successful breastfeeder!  I counted my freezer supply and I'm at about 190 ounces.  I was at 180 the last time I counted.  What that means is my supply isn't increasing as much as it was, but I'm still ahead.  To be morbid, if I were to die today, my child could eat for at least a week! Since that's not happening, I have a huge cushion.

Speaking of my freezer supply, I've enjoyed talking to friends about what they do to get and maintain a supply.  Of course my situation is different than most.  Being the single mom, the opportunities for me to pump are not always there.  Ideally, if I could, I would've started pumping after every one of her daytime meals.  That surely would've brought my supply up.  However, since that is the farthest thing from practical in my world, I pump after her morning feeding.  Before I started back to work, she was sleeping 7-8 hours in a row on her first stint.  On those days, I'd wake up all kinds of engorged and, after feeding her, pump 6-8 ounces.  Now that I'm back to work, she has regressed in her sleeping.  She's now up at least once a night, but more often 2-3 times.  What does that mean?  It means my body is constantly replacing the supply and I don't wake up with the feeling of, "Oh shit if she doesn't eat now, my boobs are going to explode!"  Instead, I feed her and do good to pump 2 ounces after.  My favorite question to be asked is, "Does she sleep for ya?"  Ha!  Yeah, right!  If you're reading this to try to find a solution to sleeping woes, you're not going to find any.  I can't even get her to sleep in her own bed.  But that's another story for another time.  It's late and I'm going to go cuddle up with my munchkin.  Until next time!

A friend of mine, after reading my blog, mentioned she was an exclusive pumper and said to ask if I had any questions. So I did. I asked for suggestions to remedy my Holstein without making bruises. She had a few suggestions. One was bigger flanges. For the record, when I started pumping more, I used the bigger size. It was painful so I went to the smaller size. Alas, my issue started! Of course I never put 2 & 2 together until she said something. I'll say, not regretfully, that I am a blonde. Aside from being sleep deprived, forgetful, and a woman, I have airhead working in my favor too. Anyway, I changed back to the larger flanges.

She also said to try using lanolin before pumping. Huh. That was definitely a new concept that makes perfect sense. If lanolin is supposed to help with comfort post-feed, why wouldn't it help with pre-pump? I decided to give it a go. Lanolin plus larger flanges... I'm not gonna lie, I was a little scared to turm the pump on due to the pain I'd experienced early on. So deep breaths. 1, 2, 3! 4, 5, 6! Okay okay. 7, 8, go! Much to my surprise and excitement, it didn't hurt. Who would've thought something that simple would have such an outcome?

On to something completely different... As I said early in the blog, KH and I have struggled with latch. One of her problems has been the refusal to open wide enough. She only gets fed in 1 of 2 ways. Either cross cradle on a boppy or side lie in bed. Side lie in bed? Yes, we co-sleep. Anyway, I noticed last week there were times she'd be done a little quicker. One day she was pretty hungry when I laid her on the boppy. Before I could get my boob out of my shirt, she had her mouth wide as can be, anticipating what was to come. I watched her latch on and it looked perfect! Remember, I am no lactation consultant. However, I've seen one so many times, I know what a good latch looks like. I say that to say this: don't think it can't be fixed! KH is 14 weeks old and is finally making a consistent, good latch. If we can do it, you can too!

I typed this up real quick while feeding her and now it's time for bed. Until next time!

I came to a not fun realization today.  My Holstein boob doesn't like the pump.  For those of you who aren't rednecks, a Holstein is a high producing dairy cow.  Anyway, when I started pumping, I got about 1/2 ounce more on the right side than the left.  The more I pumped, the more I noticed the equalizing of the amounts.  Now, it's a struggle to get close to equal.  I know that production can change based on how much she eats, if she feeds predominately on one side first, blah blah blah.  That's not the issue.  The milk is there, it just won't come out!  I have noticed the flow will stop and I have about a 1/2 ounce less on the right side than on the left.  I feel and notice it's not empty.  Through tons of googling about supply, expression, and pumping, I learned about squeezing.  Yes, that's right.  I couldn't figure it out without the internet.  So I started squeezing.  Sides, top, bottom, sides again, bottom again.... I noticed that I would generate quite a flow while doing this.  In fact, it would turn out to be the extra 1/2 ounce I was short.

What does this mean?  That's a good question I may never know the answer to.  It means that I have a bruise from squeezing so hard to express milk.  It means if I don't squeeze and get the bruise, I'll be engorged quicker.  Even at the end of the day when I take my vest off, the right side is knotted with the feeling of being engorged.  The left side, while it feels full, is obviously less so.  Due to the fact that I didn't pump often prior to returning to work, I can't say if it's the vest constricting and causing problems or if my body has a lack of interest in the pump.  I despise pumping too much to try to do a full day of it when I'm not at work.  Plus, KH won't take a bottle from me so that would make for a LONG day!

Today wasn't as bad when I got off work.  My normal sitter has 2 other kids that she watches all day long, as well as 2 adult relatives in her house.  I have gone to her house to feed KH on my lunch breaks in the past but generally feel like I'm messing with her routine so I leave it alone.  Today, the sitter was unavailable so she stayed with a friend of mine.  I was able to feed KH one meal from the real deal.  It's amazing how much that one instance can change your whole day!  Either way, knowing I have the problem with the Holstein boob, I started her out on that side because it's known babies suck harder and clear out the first boob quicker.  I moved her to the left one when she was done, played with her for a few minutes, then put her back on the right one.  The relief was incredible!  Knowing that she can clean it out means it's not a duct problem.  It's a pump problem.  Maybe squeezing will help my body get used to the pump?  Maybe?  Hopefully?  Please?  Only time will tell.

Until next time...

Exhaustion and infant/newborn are words that go hand in hand.  I know this and I expected it from the start.  One thing about a Police Officer's job that usually seems to cause grief is the schedule.  Different agencies work different hours and some switch rotations after a certain number of weeks.  We generally work 12 hour shifts.  My dilemma has come to this:  What is better for me and KH?  Continuing with the 12 hour shifts or applying to a specialized position and transferring?  As a single parent this is a question I've been battling since pregnancy.  There are 2 ways to see it.  You either get a normal person schedule with regular nights and weekends off or you get more days off and longer days of work.

Right now I feel like I don't get to spend any time with KH on days I work.  It takes all I have to not wake her up when I get up in the mornings so I get extra play time with her.  As it is, my morning routine is as follows:

-alarm goes off at butt crack of dawn
-let the dogs outside
-take a shower
-make a cup of coffee
-feed the dogs and cat
-make a cup of mother's milk tea (I swear by it and it tastes pretty good)
-load up the truck with all KH's stuff needed for the sitter
-get myself ready
-pump
-get KH from bed and put her in the carseat to go to the sitter

Sometimes she wakes up with me or she wakes up to feed before I'm ready to leave.  Those days pose interesting challenges.  She won't take a bottle from me so I constantly have to watch the clock.  I think over and over in my head, "Do I have time to pump if she wakes up right now and decides to eat?"  That is the most important part.  As much as I hate pumping, I have to before leaving for work every morning.  The pain of engorgement from however many hours of her not eating overnight, then being squished into a bulletproof vest is not fun.  I'm pretty sure I said in an earlier post that she still isn't a "normal" breastfeeding baby.  She takes no less than 30 minutes and that's on a good day.  She woke up early one day and I decided to multitask.  I pumped one boob while she fed on the other.  That was a little difficult because I'd never tried it before.  The balancing act was a completely new experience.  However, I'm convinced it helped the letdown occur quicker, thereby causing a quicker pumping session.  I don't know where I was going with all that so I'll get back to the point.  It is that I don't get to see her in the morning because her sleep is important.  I take her to the sitter's house and she's usually there for 13ish hours.  I pick her up after work and take her home.  As soon as we get home, it's time for bath and feed.  She falls asleep feeding and I never get to spend any time playing with her.  I feel like my work days are all business, on the job and at home.  When she falls asleep, I stay up a little longer to eat and do a little housework, then I go to bed.  She typically gets up at least once during the night for anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 hours.  My alarm usually goes off shortly after that.  On days I work, I would say I average 4.5 hours of sleep, if that.

The plus side of my schedule is that I don't work 5 days a week with only the weekend off.  I work half the days in the year.  The other half I'm off.  In fact, if you include holidays, sick days, and vacation, I work under 180 days a year.  That's EXTREMELY hard to walk away from! Does being away from my munchkin all day suck?  Absolutely.  Does having extra time off to spend with her rock?  You betcha!!  It's a debate I'm having to go over in my mind.  I would only be spending an extra 2 hours with her in the evenings if I decide to apply for a transfer out.  However, a lot can be done in 2 hours.  I've already been going over this concept in my head like it's a broken record.  I still don't have an answer.  For the time being I'm happy where I am.  I still love my job and the people I work with.  You have plenty of time to sleep when you're dead, right?

Until next time!

I'm halfway through my week off and I'm sad there's only a few days left. This post has nothing to do with work and everything to do with single parenting.

I had someone tell me, again, that they don't know how I do it as a single mom. To be honest, I don't know how couples do it. I have been fortunate in the matter that KH doesn't have many meltdowns. She doesn't have colic and her 1 all day crying session was from reflux. I'm lucky enough to have friends and family who helped me out in the beginning with cooking and cleaning. After the first few weeks, it was just she and I. And that's how it's been. As a single mom, everything that happens is with her, happens with me. I don't have to share her with anyone at home and I get to have all the cuddles I want. I can't imagine sharing middle of the night duties with anyone. Is it exhausting? Absolutely! However, it's those little moments I'll never get back. No one else gets to see her smile at 2 am when we're up feeding and I'm okay with that. I clean house when she naps or I nap with her in my arms. Laundry is always done, it's just not always put up. Life is chaotic at times but it's awesome. I'm tired A LOT. However, I know that when I wake up, she's going to be 18 and moving out. So how do I do it as a single mom? Easily and selfishly one day at a time. Until next time...

Well, IT finally happened today.  What is IT you ask? IT is THAT call.  The one that makes you say, "Oh crap, I'm going to be here a while."  In fact, I was on scene for 202 minutes.  I got to the 4 hour post-pump mark before I had to call my supervisor and say, "It hurts.  Please send relief!!"  It's such a crazy feeling.  It's not even the engorgement for me, it's the nipples.  They start to feel like they have rockets shooting through them.  I kept adjusting my bulletproof vest and I finally had to break down and tell the guy on scene why.  He said he understood.  Well, he didn't know how I felt, but he grasped the idea.  When relief came, I was soooooo happy! It was only 4.5 hours from one pump session to the next.  I'm used to pumping 4 oz a time, every 2-3 hours.  This time, it was 6.5 oz!!  From an outsider's perspective that has never felt the feeling, 2.5 oz doesn't seem like much.  From my perspective and the pain level, 2.5 oz is a lot!!

One of the guys at work came up to me today and adjusted his bulletproof vest through his uniform.  What's funny is the Sergeant looked at him like, "What the hell are you doing?"  I simply said, "It's cool, he's just making fun of me."  It was in a joking way and I knew it.  He said my life must revolve around the pump.  I told him no, it revolves around the boobs.  If I'm not working, KH's mouth does the work, not the pump.  Then he called me a good momma.  Awwwww.

I was asked once upon a time about leaking.  Surprisingly, I haven't done that.  Even today when I was in excruciating pain and (almost but not really) busting out of the seams, I didn't leak.  I'm lucky in that sense.  I don't know how much milk the Bamboobie's hold but I'm sure that would've tested the limit.

The next problem I'm going to have to worry about is sweating in the Texas heat.  Today only got to 80 and I was sweating profusely.  I'm worried about the sweat soaking the pad and causing problems.  I guess it's something I'll have to figure out and report back!

Until next time...

Being a single working parent is quite the task.  Hence the reason it's been so long since an update. My bad!  I tried the Bamboobies over the weekend and LOVED them! So much so, I went and bought 2 more pair. The problems with chafing that I felt without them was gone.  I did learn that you can't wear Lanolin with them.  Between the compression and the stickiness, I was peeling them off like bandaids.  Not fun at all.

I managed to go through all the milk in my stash to count it.  When I started back at work, I believe I had around 75 ounces.  A good start.  I'm now up to 130.  That sounds amazing!! Or does it? The problem I've had from the start with KH is her latch.  I'm wondering if she's not emptying me out like she should.  Night time she sucks it all down and my boobs are like pancakes that sag halfway to my belly button.  Throughout the rest of the day, that's not the case.  I guess we're doing alright since she's still gaining properly and she's happy.

I'm almost to the 3 month point and I'm starting to worry a little.  Shannon said at month 3 your body stops doing the autopilot production and starts to make us do it on our own.  So far I've been extremely lucky with the ability to stop and pump at work.  The longest amount of time I've gone is 3.5 hours.  I did that on purpose because I know her last meal of the day is the one that puts her to bed and I wanted to have a little more in there for her to access.  Aside from that, it's been every 2-3 hours like clockwork.  The guys have been SUPER awesome.  If I get sent a call they don't complain about covering it for me.  I keep hearing, "Do what's best for your family. The job comes second." It's funny because people said that before and I laughed.  I enjoyed my job way more than I enjoyed my family.  Then KH came into my life. I now fully understand the meaning.

The pain from engorgement that I felt when I first went back to work is gone.  I do notice that my right boob doesn't always empty and I can feel knots.  That makes me worry about mastitis.  Remember, before I went back to work, I hardly ever pumped.  My kid has a latch problem so the "correct" way to feed is not how we've been doing it.  It still takes almost an hour for her to eat a full meal.  The pump is, um, different... The legal assistant in my attorney's office is the leader of the local La Leche League.  She told me that, on average, you get 30% more out of your pumping session if you look at something other than the bottles while you pump.  I already was one to watch videos of KH or play games so that wasn't too different for me.  Now that I'm noticing it's not emptying properly, I've started doing more massaging and, unfortunately, staring while pumping.  I figure my body will get used to it at some point.  When that point is, I don't know.

I may take another break from posting.  I work Fri-Sun and then have 7 days off.  If a new challenge finds its way into my weekend, I'll happily post about it.  Otherwise, I'm going to enjoy my days with my little munchkin.

Until next time...

Keeping up with this is already proving to be more difficult than expected! I worked my first official full weekend. I worked 12 hours Friday, 8 hours Saturday, and 12 hours Sunday. Being away from my baby for that long KILLED me!!! I was able to continue pumping every 2-3 hours without problem. The problem is I missed my baby. 3 hours into my third shift I was already flipping through pictures and videos of KH on my phone. I am going to have a tough time for sure.

I did some experimenting with bras. Tuesday, my first shift back, I wore a nursing sports bra. I'd worn it several times and found it to be comfy. Under the uniform it was atrocious and painful! I decided I couldn't do that again. It was too constrictive to go under the vest. I felt engorged a lot. Friday and Saturday I wore shirts with built in bras. They are similar to the tanks with the elastic around the bottom of the boob holder. The shirts and built in bra are made of a silky material similar to Under Armour heat gear. I had way less feeling of engorgement but my nipples were hurting. I don't wear pads because I haven't had a leaking problem. I wondered if it was the material or if my nipples were just sore from pumping so often. For the record, I was only pumping once a day, MAYBE, before I went to work and that was to build a stockpile for work. Anyway, back to the shirts. Sunday, I wore an Under Armour heat gear shirt with no bra. I figured they're already sagging with weight, I might as well see if braless under the bulletproof vest would help. It very well seemed to! There was never a feeling of engorgement and it made easier access for pumping. Hey, one less thing to take off and put on saves time in the long run. My nipples still hurt, though. I guess I won't know until a few weeks pass for sure if it's from pumping or clothes. I went to see my lactation consultant. She gave me a pair of Bamboobies. They're washable breast pads made of cotton and bamboo. If the nipple pain is from chaffing, the breast pads should help. If not, I'll know it's from the pump. I'll experiment more during my shifts this week. Until then, I'm going to cuddle up to my baby while I can! Next time!

Today was my first day back to work and I have to say it went much better than I expected. I have 2 immediate supervisors, both of which are male. I asked them about a place to pump in PD for when the need arises. They told me of a room that is available and then said it was okay if I go home to pump, if it would make me more comfortable. I told him I pump in KH's room at the house and he interrupted me to chime in that it helps the letdown. Wow! He was knowledgable!! To clarify, I work for a big, small city. The population is around 60-70000 but it's extremely spread out. I have an area I'm assigned to patrol within the city. To get from the farthest end of my area to my house would take at least 20 minutes. For him to tell me that was an option had me floored! I was stoked! I didn't want to take advantage of that opportunity too regularly. We continued to talk. The supervisor who talked about letdown told me about how he spent $600 to rent a monster huge pump for his wife to use. The other supervisor then started in with a story about how curiosity got the best of him and he tried to use his wife's pump on his own nipples. Of course he knew nothing would come out, but he tried anyway. He talked of pain and purple nipples. Ha! I got a definite laugh. Anyway, on to my day.

I had to de-ice my truck before going to work. This is Texas. We don't have a need for that. The roads were supposed to be iced and the wrecks were supposed to be plenty. While I was sitting in shift brief listening to the supervisor go over all the details, all I could think of was how bad my tits hurt! KH didn't wake up enough to eat a full meal and she slept a lot overnight. I really needed to pump! At about 815 (my shift starts at 7) I was able to go home and pump. I got 8 oz!!! No wonder I was in so much pain! I thought it was a combination of the bulletproof vest and the tight shirt. Nope! It was the extra 4 oz I was housing. I got everything back on and went back in service. I noticed that the process of undressing and redressing took longer than the pumping process. Clearly something I need to work on.

I received a text from my zone partner, while I was checked out at my house for so long, asking if I was okay. I explained to him that I was still breastfeeding so I had to pump. I then asked to meet up with him. My plan was to apologize for the amount of time I would be spending pumping. He said, "That's way more important. Family comes first." We then showed each other pictures of our little ones. I talked to him about places to pump and mentioned going to the fire station. For the record, our small town is one in which Police and Fire are great friends. I spend a lot of my breaks hanging out with them at the station. My zone partner suggested I go talk to admin there to make sure it would be okay. So I did. The Lieutenant at the station looked at me in awe when I asked to use the women's bathroom to pump in. He asked why I would want to go in there when I could use their dorm. He said the door doesn't lock but all I have to do is tell them. I would run the risk of having someone walk in on me. I told him I'm not shy and that I would plop in one of the recliners in the main room in front of everyone because I'm not shy. That lead to the discussion that they would watch, no matter how atrocious it may be. Either way, after about 3 hours, I was hurting so I made it to the fire station. I used the dorm and pumped 4 oz. No one walked in on me.

One thing that is on my side is my babysitter lives in town. I was able to go to see my munchkin on my lunch break. My intentions were to feed her on my break. When I got there, the sitter was holding her and an empty bottle. Oops. I took her anyway and she ate for about 2 minutes. Our normal feeds last around 30 minutes. I pumped again and got 4 oz.

With it being my first day back from maternity leave, I had some administrative things to do. I checked out at the PD. I took advantage of the room I was told I could use. I wonder how many people walked by and wondered what the sound was? I kept a cooler in my patrol car to store the milk so it didn't get flaunted in the break room fridge. That was my choice.

All in all it was the best first day back at work. My sitter sent me updates and pictures throughout the day and I was able to spend some time with KH. The real challenge will be the upcoming weekend. Details to follow :-)

Howdy! Welcome to my blog. I'll start off with a little history. On May 6th, 2013 my life completely changed. That was the day I found out my birth control failed me. I was 3-4 weeks along and not involved with the dad in anything more than a "buddy" relationship. Crap. At 30 years of age I was in a place I'd never expected to be. Abortion and adoption were never an option. I had been employed almost 6 years at the time as a Police Officer. I make a decent amount of money and I have great benefits. So here we go.

Pregnancy sucked. I knew a little bit through friends and family, but you know what they say: No 2 pregnancies are alike. I was a Patrol Officer and my duties included taking calls for service (thefts, burglaries, disturbances, suspicious activity, etc.) and making traffic stops. I had "morning" sickness that started 2 hours after I woke up and lasted until I went to bed. I was constantly nauseous. Taco Bell is about the only food I could eat and even it was tough to get down. The area of town I worked was run down and the streets are terrible. Everyday felt like seasickness on a cruise ship. I took every report I could so I could sit and not have to drive. At the end of the first trimester, I was pushed to desk duty. I went from the high pace excitement of overnight patrol to the ever-so-slow 8-5 job. Blah blah blah, nothing to really talk about there. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. My desk at work was practically a buffet. Open the drawer and find any snack you could imagine! As long as it was low carb and low sugar, that is. When it was all said and done, I gained 22 pounds in my pregnancy and was told numerous times I didn't look full term. Woohoo!! I had developed an attachment to the alien in my belly and I was ready to meet her.


On December 30th, 2013 at 0230 hours, my water broke. I was 38 weeks and 3 days along. At 1739 hours that evening, I vaginally delivered a beautiful 7lb 8oz baby girl. My life changed forever the second she was put in my arms. I'd read the books and heard the tales but never knew what to expect. I instantly fell in love. I had said from the start I wanted to breastfeed. It was even in my birth plan to feed her before she went to the nursery, which I did. I probably should have read a little about breastfeeding. The advice I'd been given was to make it 3 weeks. 3 weeks? It's breastfeeding. Women have been doing it forever. How hard can it be, right? Boy was I wrong!

My daughter, KH, didn't have the best time latching on. She had jaundice, as do most babies, and I was told feeding would help to get rid of it. My milk took forever to come in and she kept losing weight while becoming more yellow. Enter the emotional single mom who can't produce enough to adequately provide for her daughter. Her bilirubin levels were so high at the follow-up doctor's visit that we were readmitted for UV treatment. We were there for 2 more nights. My milk finally came in. I was pressured by the nursing staff to supplement with formula to get everything moving. However, I'd heard tales of babies trying formula and preferring it to breast milk so I didn't want to do that. My pediatrician is very pro-breastfeeding and allowed me to get through it with my milk. We went back for our 2 week check up. Doc said she expected KH to be back at her birth weight. She was 10 oz under. Re-enter the emotional single mom who can't produce enough to adequately provide for her daughter. My doc still didn't push formula on me. She asked about our feedings and it all sounded good. She mentioned a lactation consultant and said to schedule another appt for a weight check. I tried breastfeeding without a lactation consultant for a few more days. A friend of mine had a baby girl 7 days before me. She also had problems with breastfeeding and called on a lactation consultant. She raved about how awesome she was and how much it put her mind at ease. I decided to put my tears and bull-headed theories aside and call. That was the best thing I could've ever done!

Our first appointment with Shannon was a definite eye opener. She pointed out several things that I never noticed. We did a weight check on KH. We weighed her naked for a baseline, fed her from one boob, weighed her, then I pumped. We did the same on the other boob. What we found is that I had a content starver. My body was producing enough milk for her but due to trauma from birth, she was exhausting herself prior to emptying the breast. She was happy as she could be eating until she wasn't hungry instead of eating until she was full. Whew! It wasn't my body not producing! I was put on a feed/pump regimen and told to supplement her with a bottle of expressed milk after her breast feeds. The next time I went to the doctor she had rebounded to her delivery weight and we were in the clear. Whoop!

That's the start of my journey. I have had numerous battles including marathon feeds (sometimes 2-3 hours at a time), painful feeds due to inadequate latch, reflux in KH causing me to take all dairy out of my diet, and being a human pacifier. Needless to say, if I didn't have so much time off work to devote to her, I probably would've given up. Shannon told me I need to have a hefty supply of milk saved up since I work 12 hour shifts. I currently have 60 ounces in the freezer so hopefully that's a good start. I decided to start the blog after Shannon told me she hadn't read about, heard about, or been asked about the situations I will encounter when returning to work. One of the things I love about my job is the unpredictability. You could stumble upon something and be stuck for 8 hours. Problem. If I have to pump every 2-3 hours, how do I get away? Also, the bullet proof vest. #1, is it going to fit my much larger boobs, and #2, is it going to hurt like Hell and cause clogged ducts? There are numerous issues and concerns I've had up until this point. The beauty is I get to start back to work in a week and answer all those questions! Sorry for the long intro. I felt it was all necessary to fully understand the battles I've already overcome and the battles I have yet to face.